ALT #463: You're An Idiot
You're An Idiot
Summary: Phin McBride sort of is an idiot, but he gets there eventually. He and Ygraine Vashti talk about stuff, and things.
Date: 14/04/2014 (OOC Date)
Related Logs: Lots. Rack Time or Frak Time directly follows.
Phin Ygraine 
Officer's Lounge — Piraeus
The lounge at the bar, an afterthought built onto the main structure, is a little more classy. This is probably a function of the fact that the members of CIDSR and some of the ranking officers wanted a place that was not as prone to barfights. Some of the research ships look to have been looted to bring down nicer couches and other seating. Proper floorlamps and even even a felt-covered card table have been set towards the back and a brave soul even donated a painting. The lighting is darker and the mood is more calm here, as proclaimed by a sign on the wall that reads, 'Fighting is strictly prohibited in this room.'. Contrary to the room's nickname, the location is not restricted to anyone for now.
Fri Apr 14 20:28:13 2006 AWD #463

Phin has spent as much time as he can manage off the Orion of late. Mostly by volunteering for patrols and other assistance duty on Picon. He was due to return from one of those runs today but, rather than immediately heading back to the ship, he headed straight to Charlie's. To take advantage of some downtime hours before he has to be back, and just generally chill. He's in the officer's lounge now, nursing a glass of moonshine. Very slowly. The crowd is light at this hour, so he's got a table to himself for now.

It's not like people haven't noticed. More to the point, it's not like certain people haven't noticed. But Ygraine is a consciencious stalker, and takes the time to learn her prey's routines before striking. Which is why she walks into the officer's lounge, her jacket over her shoulder and a ble of beer in her hand. "There ya are." she declares. "I'd kinda wondered if th'planet swallowed ya up."

Phin is still wearing his blues jacket. Maybe because he didn't have time to change, though probably in part just because he thinks he works the blues. Not that he'd admit it. Ygraine's voice makes him look up, and smile. If he was avoiding people here, that doesn't seem to really include her. "It tried, but I came out the other side all right," he says. "Hey."

"Hey." she says, moving over to his couch and climbing over the arm to wedge into his seat. Why even bother sitting properly when she can noise in on his personal space? "I barely see ya on Orion, and when I do, it's because ya goin' somewhere." she tells him, her mouth person. "I know we're all startin' t'reek up there, but I was thinkin' ya might make an exception for me." She can't keep the pout for long, her nose wriggles and she grins. "What's goin' on with ya, hmmm?"

"Uh, hey," Phin repeats, when Ygraine gets all up on his personal space. Though it's just sort of an awkward re-greeting, not an objection. He doesn't generally object when she invades his personal space. She's comfortable to lean on, and he does that a little, out of habit. "Just Picon," he replies with a shrug. "Kind of feel more like I'm doing something there. I mean, even if it's just CAP, there's a chance the toasters'll pop out." Not that they do, often. A pause and he adds, "I guess ANVIL's been analyzing the recon data we brought bsck, trying to open up more communication with the humans on Scorpia. And, y'know, the other colonies the Cylons control." Though let's get real, Scorpia's his main concern.

"But mostly Scorpia." she says matter-of-factly, studying him thoughtfully. "Ya been thinkin' about it a lot lately. I mean, not like th'way I thinka Leonis. Bakc of th'brain. It's been on your mind first and in front. Ya got somethin' goin' on in there?" She reaches out to gently knock her fist against his noggin, like knocking on a door.

The noggin' knocking makes Phin laugh. He can't help it. His attempts to be emo aren't really holding at the moment, even if Scorpia does still probably occupy a large part of his brain. "Mostly," he admits. "I don't know. It was easy not to think about it when there wasn't news. Or no new news. Now…I don't know, if ANVIL's talking to the people back there…kind of makes it more real. Anyway. I'd like to actually be there when they get a handle on what's going on with the resistance there. Feels like we're kind of far away from stuff out here most days." Though, with a glance up at her, he can't help but add, "Not that that's always bad."

"I was just thinkin' that it's sometimes hard up there," Ygraine gestures vaguely ceilingward, "To keep sight of everythin' goin' on that we fight for. I mean, ya see everybody else fightin' and doin' their part, and we got somethin' on Piraeus that is like room t'breathe, but sometimes ya just gotta feel like ya wanna be closer t'the action. Make more of a difference, even if it means ya don't rest."

Phin's eyes follow Ygraine's gesture toward the ceiling. They linger there a moment, then go back down to the blonde ECO. He takes a drink, and it's a moment before he says anything again. Finally, it's just a soft, "Yeah" of agreement. And another drink. "Sometimes that's how it is. Sometimes though…sometimes I feel like I've got a life here. Parts of one. Some parts." He doesn't look at her then, setting his cup down, and giving staring at it a lot of attention. "Parts that are more than just…fighting and duty. Like…when I was on Picon today…there was part of me that just wanted to stow away on whatever Raptors Spree was sending to Scorpia, just go there and…do my bit. Go home. And there was part of me that couldn't wait to get back here because…" He shrugs. "…I don't know."

Ygraine looks at him intently. One of her pin down sort of stares. "Ya gotta figure that out." she says softly. "Because as good as ya are - and you're th'best, Phinny - if your heart aint entirely with ya in th'cockpit, that's a sure way t'me carryin' ya coin and I can't have that."

Phin can feel her pin-staring at him, but he doesn't look up at her right away. "You worry about me too much." Not that he sounds like he dislikes that. If anything, he's touched by it. If, maybe, a little puzzled. "Those frakking coins…whenever I see somebody looking at one of those things, all they seem to think about is the stuff they regret. Stuff they wish had been different with somebody."

"It ain't ever any other way." Ygraine tells him. "That's what death leaves behind. All th'chances ya never took." She shrugs one shouldered and takes a sip of her beer. "What ya left unsaid. Mournin' and regret are for th'livin', ya oughtta know that by now."

"Yeah…" Phin murmurs to that. Knows it too well. He drinks along with her. "Guess so. I don't want you to be like that, though. I mean, I hope I won't die at all. And I don't have any plans to. But…that seems so heavy, and I don't want you carrying that kind of thing around on my account. I just want you to be happy. I mean, you always make me happy so…"

She suddenly flashes a smile at him. "You're an idiot." she tells him fondly. "Think about two things. Think about what would make ya happy. Not the big things - there ain't no suddenly not bein' at war, but th'things that all it will take is your own agency. And then think about what ya want. Figure out a way t'put those two things t'gether. And then even if ya are in a war and fightin' t'survive, ya know what you're fightin' for."

Phin smiles back at her. When she's smiling at him like that, he can't not. And he does seem to think on that. "What is it you want, Yggy V?" he asks.

She blinks at that. He's never actually asks her that question, and she looks stumped as to what to say. "I'm makin' a difference, an th'person I can see t'remind me what I'm makin' a difference for." she says unabashedly. "Even if I can't have everythin' I want, that's a damn lot more than most folks have these days."

Her stumped look almost makes him laugh. Almost. But as she goes on, he nods. "Yeah. I mean, I'm lucky. We're all crazy, unbelievably lucky. I try to remind myself of that every day. And there are things I…I think I know what I want. I think it's just a matter of figuring out what I can have out of that."

"So whadda ya want?" She follows her question up with a hey-you-knew-I-was-going-to-ask expression.

"I want to have as few regrets as I can," Phin says. "Because you're right. That's not any way to live." He looks at her a long moment, drinks, takes a deep breath, and drinks again. Emptying his pint glass. So he has to put it down. He leans forward a little then. Almsot like he's going to kiss her. Again, as badly as that ended last time. He doesn't though. Instead, he swallows, like he's winding himself up inside for…something. And then he says, "I love you." He could theoretically leaven it with 'you're my best friend and I love you' or 'you're like family and…'. Those things are certainly true, after a fashion. But he doesn't. He just says it.

The corner of her mouth quirks and it is really, really hard to tell exactly what she's thinking for a moment. She cocks her head at him, considers his drink - her own, too. Maybe she's wondering if it's the giggle juice talking. "Phin McBride," she says very calmly, "When ya say that, it better not be th' moonshine talkin' because I love ya so hard it's ridiculous, and it would break my heart if ya took it back tomorrow."

Phin tries really, really hard to get a bead on what Ygraine is thinking in that moment. It seems to last a very long. He's pretty easy to read, by contrast, heart in his eyes. And kind of like he's bracing himself. At her comment about the moonshine, he shakes his head firmly. "What? No. I've only had one…what?" Then he just looks kind of slack-jawed and stupid, because the rest of that is taking awhile to register in his brain.

"I repeat: you're an idiot." she tells him kindly. "Need a moment t'process?" She assumes a patient expression, waiting for comprehension to dawn.

"Hey!" Phin musters up some indignation at being called an idiot. Even though, on this particular subject, he has consistently been one. He does need a minute to process it, though, and when he does he still looks like it hasn't properly sunk in. But he does manage a semi-coherent, "So you…? Like, seriously…?" And then he just beams. Also, kind of like an idiot.

She lets out a sigh. "Remember th'night after the commendations when we got t'drinkin' and then things happened and I told ya no? I bet ya don't remember what I said: because with it'd mean something." She sets her beer down. "And t'make it perfectly clear: everythin' about ya. Everythin'. Scorpian slum kid who hotwired cars, nervous cadet who was strugglin' with math, hotshit viper stick jock. Not despite any of that. Ya don't gotta be anybody else with me other than who ya are." Her smile returns. "Like, seriously."

"Yeah, I remember, you seemed pretty not into me like…oh." Phin also lets this sink in. It results in a soft "Frak." He flushes. "Yeah…I'm an idiot." He looks like he wants to say more. There's probably a lot more that needs to be said between them. But, right then, he just leans in to try and kiss her again. Far less tentatively than he did that first time in the battlestar storage room.

She's a lot less tentative about kissing him back, which considering she hadn't been entirely hesitant that first time, is saying something. But then, kissing him is the most natural thing in the world, and she's been thinking about it for ages. When they come up for air, she whispers, "Ya better not be messin' with me."

Phin isn't a guy who gives into something he just purely wants that often, so he's pretty enthusiastic when he does. "What'd be so bad about messing with you?" he asks with a laugh. And then, to make sure she doesn't take it wrong, he adds quickly, "I don't know what my life is going to be in a month or a year or…I haven't been able to know that since the war started. But I know that, when I think about what I actually want…you're always a part of that. So I should stop frakking around. I mean…or, maybe start. If you know what I mean." He barely does. But he's kind of figuring it out.

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