PWD #03: To Forgive Not Forget
To Forgive Not Forget
Summary: The rocky road between Talkshow and Redux is given a little paving.
Date: 3/1/2013
Related Logs: All relationship logs between Redux and Talkshow Stupid and Coy, Second String
Aios Ceres 
Main Corridor - Deck 2
The hallways are the standardized thoroughfares found on nearly every ship in the Colonial Fleet. Tall enough to accommodate heavy equipment, their half-diamond arches rise almost twelve feet off the decking. About a quarter of the overhead bulbs are Vitamin D lamps, smoothing out the harsh edges of standard-issue fluorescent bulbs. Wired phones are posted every hundred yards and in adjoining halls as well. Heavy bulkhead doors section off the ship into different areas, and each hatch is clearly labeled no matter how large or small.
PWD #3

On constant alert, Daniel "Talkshow" Aios is slinking about the halls of Battlestar Orion's second deck. With a flight suit unzipped and rolled down around his waist, he's walking around in his off-duty tank tops while reading some reports on his Viper. Finding an area of particular interest in the report, he slips over to a quiet corner and starts to leaf through the hex-cut paper.

A battlestar is huge place, hard to find a single body. Not when one is determined. Ceres is not long from standing before him, zipped up and ready to hit her CAP shortly. "Daniel." Its said evenly, Redux coming to a stop right in front of him, hemming him in from being able to slip away. "Tell me you have a moment."

Daniel's blue eyes raise from his paper to Ceres'. Immediately testing the weight of purpose behind her eyes, he realizes that this is a conversation she's determined to have. "I do." He replies quietly, letting the papers that he is holding against the clip on the board fall back into place. His thumb remains beneath the already viewed portion of the report, an effective placeholder.

A nod is given as Ceres waits for him to settle the papers and even after, she seems to be gathering her words. "I wanted to say something, in case we do never speak to each other again. Which your note seemed to attest to." Her dark eyes meet his unfaltering as her hands cross before her, hands clasping at elbows. "You are better than that note. Better than something like that. I deserve it. Frak I deserve more than that. But you." There is no raise to her voice at first, but it starts to, becoming bold with her belief, "You are better than that. So much better."

Eyes on her for the duration of the first shot fired across the bow, Talkshow's skin suddenly begins to dimple and feel cold. He sets the clipboard against the wall, letting it hang by the magnets secured to the back of it, and folds his arms across his chest in a display of utter discomfort. "Ceres, I meant what I said in the letter. I wish the two of you the best of luck." He's lying. His eyelid always twitches when he does. "But, to learn that I'd been replaced so quickly and to learn it from the smug grin of the man himself…" He shakes his head. "…it was terribly embarassing. I lost my temper, and for that I apologize to you and you alone."

"Don't…don't apologize. I didn't come here for that. This is all my fault, always will be. Daniel, you never did anything wrong, we failed because of me, all right and we didn't fail because of someone else. You…weren't replaced. Don't lie to me either…" Gods. Ceres rubs at her face and lowers her dark eyes. "Augie and no one else can replace you…but let me say this, he didn't deserve what you said to him either. You are angry with me, not him. He's not trash. He's not an ass. He is a good man." Pause, a breath drawn. "Look, Daniel. All I want is to know that I will get to say goodbye to you properly when you go, I don't want a note, Gods knows I can't ask this of you and can't expect it. But I want it." She draws a breath, "I want to apologize, and let me do this." Something else she should not have a right to ask for.

Daniel continues to observe her while she speaks, fighting through his latent defensiveness to not close up his posture too much. His fingernail scrapes against his forearm, grazing over goose-pimpled flesh and light, blonde hairs until his fingertip comes into contact with the wristwatch he wears. He turns his head to the side, eyes till on her, but does so out of reaction to her words about Augie. He wants to be mad. He clings to his newfound prejudice.

"I am angry with you." He says quietly, but not with the degree of force required to try to hurt her with it. "But mostly I'm just concerned. I don't want this for you." He motions to her posture. "Months from now he's going to want more. Are you prepared for that?" His eyebrows lower, stepping in closer and flooding the space between them with concern. "Gods, Ceres, what is happening to you? Did I do something else wrong? Did something else happen that I'm not aware of?"

"He already wants more," Ceres confides, a look of that fear. The one thing that scares her and she tenses a bit as he draws closer. "Gods, no…no you did nothing wrong. Besides that damned note, because I have such respect for you and you should as well." She is set on propping him up, her fingers flexing over her elbows as she feels a rush along her spine, causing some of her focus to fall apart and for her carefully sculpted words to disintegrate.

"Happening?" She draws a breath, "I am trying to protect you from my shit, okay?" Her hands break from their cross beneath her breasts and she points down in an avid motion. "This is my home, a battlestar, metal around me, space on the outside. I fear what you want from me, because I know its something I can fail at and will. Fail so horribly that it will cost me you and anyone else that comes after. It's like ripping a gods damned bandaid off. Do it quick, do it soon, waiting makes it hurt more."

Daniel reaches out to her arm, his hand cupping around the top quarter of her flight-suit covered bicep. Always just a little taller, he lowers his head and tilts the side of his head to her, eyes cast over her opposite shoulder. "Ceres. Gods." The writer scrambles through his mental rolodex, trying to find the right words. "It's okay. It's okay." The default words roll off of his tongue as he squeezes her shoulder, trying to bring the boiling water back down to a soft roil.

"Ceres, I'm terribly sorry, so terribly sorry." The words sigh off of his lips. "I wish there was some sort of magical wand that I could wave and guide you through this, but at the very least I wish I had the right to be there for you for something, I don't know, counseling, meditation, anything really." He pauses, looking to her face. "You have my forwarding address and you know I'm not half the bastard I was in that letter. I forgive you for all of this, just please don't let me leave this place worrying that you're going to spend the rest of these eighteen months in absolute turmoil. This is the thing that I think that you are better than, Ceres. Can you at least promise me you'll remember to stay warm and take your quiet moments to read under the trees? Remember to breathe?"

He touches her and its harder to keep it all in check now. So hard. Ceres lets out a heavy breath and focuses on his words. "No, Daniel please don't…" Apologize. "Don't forgive me, please. Don't give me an out, I have been a bitch. A right low down piece of shit to you. I hurt you and you needed someone. Right when you needed someone I dragged you down further. For that, there is really not forgiveness." But she goes quiet, his offering, his kindness. Her hand lifts, taking hold of his and pulling it free of her upper arm.

She doesn't let it go. So hard to keep herself composed.

"I can do that. But hell its not going to be the same…ever." She draws a breath letting it out in a huff before she shakes her head. "I want you to go get your son. I want you to enjoy your life and that will be all I frakkin need. I will hold down the fort here for you." Alone, without Talkshow to cover her ass when she pulls a stupid bullheaded move in her bird.

"If we were characters in a novel, I would either love it dearly or throw it into the fireplace and take up those dreadful video games." Daniel says the words before he registers them. By the blink on his eyes, it's clear that his filter didn't catch them in time.

Stealing his hand back softly, he wraps his arms back in front of his chest and shifts his weight to the other hip. His eyes go to the floor and his shoulders raise like a slow moving elevator. At a loss, a disappointed sigh escapes his nostrils.

"I'm going to get Jamey and a dog. I'm putting in as an instructor back home. I'm going to teach people at Academy. It'll be a desk job." He looks up to her. "Do you want a victory letter so you'll know how it turned out?"

That lack of philter catches her off-guard and she can not help but smile. "Yeah? Me too.." But then they are not quite connected again - close but not touching. Its like a dance, back and forth, give and take. Keeping yourself in check. It's irritating as hell and Ceres shifts in discomfort. "Good…and Gods yes I do. I want to know. I want to be able to send you something for it as well." There is a gentle hope there, eyes lowering to the floor as well, looking at their feet, pointed at each other.

"Thanks, for talking. For letting me tell you that you are worth more than that note. That I am sorry for dragging you through the mud and my shit with it."

"Just make it worth it and be okay." Daniel replies, eyes more stable and serious now as he gives her one of his more pointed looks. "I can't be here to cover your caroms anymore and I'm going to be ass deep in legal when I get back." His smile is wan. "I'm sorry I cornered you. Truly."

Shaking her head, Ceres lets out a tired, soft laugh, "You may be sorry, but I am telling you…you don't have to be. I like deserve a few punches and some harsh words again." She hestites and then seems a bit more at peace, a little more stable. "I guess I will just have to find another straight flying talented wingmate…though I am not sure it is going to be possible." Her lips part, as if she wants to say something. Its aching, trying to break free of her throat but she chokes it down. "Don't drown on Caprica beneath all that paperwork."

Talkshow sees all, at least his eyes seem to think so. Ever perceptive, his eyes narrow slightly when Ceres changes the course of her wording. The smile of his lips grows, yet darkens. "Yes, well, at the very least I'll have something for the fire in winter, won't I?" He laughs softly, taking a step back from her and reaching for his clipboard. "You're not going to get any more harsh words from me. Just say a few prayers in about a month or so and maybe, with luck, you'll get some post detailing a joint custody victory and we'll call it a draw, okay?"

"I still offer my services to go visit your ex for you," Ceres says in humor. With the humor comes the lowering of her guard and the depth of the need to help him is there. The will and want to. The space helps her breathe, to focus and clear her head. Its easier now and yet it hurts so much more. For a brief second, her dark brows draw down and she is silent, contemplating and then she offers him a renewed smile - faint but there. "Daniel. Thank you, for everything and I want a full detailed account." Pause, her hands brushing down her sides. "This is not my goodbye, I am going to be there when you load on that bus. I am going to see you off properly. Try to be supporting like I should have been." She clears her throat, swings her arms as she takes a step back, trying to disengage and worried she will fail at getting away without mucking it up.

"When I load the bus I'll make sure her number and address are in my going-away package to you. If I send a piece of mail that says the custody hearing went terribly, then by all means, do your worst." Daniel replies, smile disappearing and his voice taking on a tone of mock conspiracy. It's dry humor at its best. He nods stiffly and takes in a deep breath, still rather uncomfortable. "We'll speak again before I leave. Stay warm. Remember to read." He smiles softly and waves his clipboard, as if to say I'm going to get back to this now.

"That would be appreciated," Ceres feels the layers of civility returning, a sort of peace even if its broken still. Dark eyes linger on him, sweeping for a moment to study him. There is a look of regret for a brief second before she nods, quickly trying to cover it with a curl of her lips. "Sure, I will do juat that and you, relax and trust in your ability to win this. I know you can." She turns then, smoothing a hand to her hair. "I will let you get back to that then." A parting of ways, Redux turning and heading for the hangar, doing her best not to look back. She somehow manages.

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