AWD #039: The Tao of Yggy
The Tao of Yggy
Summary: After a rough couple days for Kelsey, Ygraine sets the nugget straight.
Date: 14/02/2013
Related Logs: Anything with Phin in the last few days.
Ygraine Kelsey 
Flight Sims
Thurr be sims of flight.
AWD #39

Intro to flight training and Kelsey has probably read the hell out of her books. After some sim time practicing taxiing and hovering all morning, the girl is up here on her own once more but this time she is sitting in the pilots seat just staring at a blank screen with her back rigid and legs bent at just the right angle. Her hand is resting on the ejection handle and she practices going lax to the position every few seconds. Kels should probably be doing this on the Deck with a crew safety specialist, but given last night its probably safer this way. Nobody else around, the place is quiet except for the metallic clank of the handle being pulled every few seconds.

Rap-a-tat-tat. There's a knock on the side of her sim door. Which probably ruins the effect.

Kelsey stops suddenly to turn in the seat. She's all strapped in and wearing the helmet, so its more of a strained look over her shoulder. "Pee-Oh Wescott present," she calls back towards the hatch. She eyes it for a second longer and uses the opportunity to snap back to the position and pull the handle again. Muscle memory saves lives, and all that.

"Hey, Kelz. It's just Yggy." The other woman's voice sounds tinny from the other side of the sim unit. "Ya wanna get some Predator practice in? Ain't anybody else in one right now." Which is also code for: privacy.
You will no longer hear messages on channel <Public>.

Kelsey holds in place and slowly nods her helmet. "Yeah." She unstraps from the seat and shrugs off the harness. The O2 tube is brought with her and she gets up to move on out of the Raptor. That lip is still fat and and looks fairly tired. Even sleeping below her, there wasn't a sound from Kel's bunk for the rest of the night. It doesn't look like her day has gone much better so far. "Lead to way, sir," she gestures towards the Predator. Kelsey forces a smile with it. The expression probably hurts a bit with that lip.

"Kelz, you don't have to sir me unless we're actually in a situation that merits it, okay? But let me be clear - Milkshake does not have time for ya bullshit." Ygraine doesn't turn around as she heads for the predator simulator. "All this holdin' it in crap you're doin'? Will effect your pilotin'. Ya need t'get it off ya chest, or ya won't be any good, and the more ya let it build, the worse ya gonna get." Once there, she does turn around. "Look. When I nearly got ripped apart by those wolves on Piraeus, I acted like it was all good and I was okay, and I really wasn't. Took Holtzy beatin' the crap out of me and then letting me cry on him until his shirt was soaked through and tellin' me that I was stupid for thinkin' I had to be tough about it for me t'get it into my noggin." And that's a little hard for her to confess, but then she cracks a smile. "But if ya wanna talk it out, I'll tell ya what else he did, and where." Brow-waggle. Oh, Yggy.

Kelsey nods in her helmet. She looks like some kid at an airshow that is waiting for a photo to be taken, but she isn't smiling. She steps up onto the platform, listening to Milk discuss things and what all has happened. The PO3 climbs into the front cockpit with the practice of an experienced Deck tech and begins strapping herself in. There isn't another word until they are on internal comms, keeping them very private. She plugs in. "Pilot up," Kels says quietly. Strapping in, the woman up front finally says more, "I messed up really bad, Milk. I did something really stupid. And I just keep paying for it. All I want to do is forget about it. Now I think its going to follow me around for a long time." Seeing Kelsey's face in the mirrors, there's shame in her eyes. Its not just her voice. Its already a lot she's lugging around.

"Ya think?" Ygraine asks thoughtfully. "So far as I know, you're pretty much where ya wanted t'be. Part of the Air Wing. Learnin' t'fly. So whatever your mistakes are, they can't be too bad, even if they feel heavy right now. What's goin' on? If ya ain't gonna talk t'me, talk t'somebody ya trust, because believe me, getting it off your chest makes it a lot easier, even if it feels like the hardest thing t'do." She adds almost absently, "ECO ready. Sensor suite up and running."

"The Major wants me to have some callsign after what happened last night." Considering the shape she was in last night, that might be more than she needs right now. The PO stares at the console absently, head still tilted forward. "I slept with Phin, Milk." Its whispered as if she was even afraid the aircraft might hear it. But given the way its delivered, and her previous doe-eyed smiles she had been giving him? That's not good. Her gloved hands reach out to start going through the start sequence and the default sim screen starts them on a runway in clear skies. "I tried to lay with him. He pushed me off. He made some excuse. Then told me to wait at least fifteen minutes before I left after him. I've never been treated like that. I feel horrible. I keep asking myself what I did wrong, yanno?" There's a sad laugh to go with it while she sniffs in her helmet. "How I might make it right. …I don't think he wants to." She finally lifts her eyes in the mirror and looks at the screen before recycling the throttle and nudging it forward to give agonizingly slow power increases.

There's a split second where it looks like Ygraine isn't quite sure to take that news, but it's processed through so fast it might not have been there at all. "Oh, Phinny." she sighs. "Dummy. Him, not you. Look, ya didn't do anythin' wrong. He's wrong for makin' ya feel that way. He just wanted t'get out some stress, and he shoulda made it clear t'ya that's all he was lookin' for, so ya coulda had the choice t'back off if it wasn't how ya wanted things t'be. Phin's caught up in his own head, Kelsey. He always has been. And it means he acts like a jerk sometimes. He probably has no idea ya even feel this way. I know ya can't flick it off like a switch, but believe me, ya got no reason t'be ashamed or sorry." Scrunching up her face, she says, "If ya think ya can frak him without getting emotional, go for it. But if ya can't, don't. And if ya got feelings for him…I'll tell ya the truth, ya gotta be patient with him." There's a pause. "I'mma tell ya somethin'. Ya gotta swear by all the Lords ya ain't ever gonna repeat it, not even t'him. Kay?"

Kelsey takes her time getting the Predator up to power and eventually it comes into a hover. She's very wobbly with it and still trying to get it to do what she wants, but she's patient with herself when it comes to flying at least. "He's always been real nice to me. I thought maybe I might be able to calm him down. I'm usually smarter about this stuff. But I fought people I worked with last week. For him. I didn't want him to get hurt. Then the Major tells us to report to Medical… and I don't want him to feel more awkward so I don't make him sit with me. And the Major finds out I never went. Now I'm in trouble with my instructor because I don't want to make Phin feel awkward because of what we did." Kelsey got attached. Quick. She probably hasn't had many relationships. "I swear. I won't tell." The Pred is slowly hovered higher and higher. She's taking plenty of space to practice her transition.

"Well, the assmunches who tried to hurt Phin got what they deserved." Ygraine says, "And if I'd been there I woulda gone in swingin'." She's actually pretty peeved that she wasn't there, but that's not important right now. "Not reportin' t'Medical was stupid. Ya do as your told, Kelz. That sort of stuff ya don't get to pick an' choose. I don't see how it has anythin' t'do with ya frakkin' Phin. Was he expectin' ya t'get a pelvic exam or somethin'?" Then with a sigh, "While we were at Academy together, he had a girlfriend. I didn't know her all that well, or at all, really. But she broke up with him and she did it cruel. I mean, really nasty. And he kinda went on a binge. Bed hoppin' but not…he just kinda lost it, ya know? When were in junior year I offered and he turned me down." To this day, Ygraine's a bit befuddled by the fact that Phin FZ'd her, but she's not angry about it. "Thing is, I don't think he's really learned how t'be…I think for him it's either all emotion in, or none." The ECO role in this sim is pretty minimal, and truth be told she really did it so Kelsey could practice and they could have their conversation.

"The Major doesn't know. I'd like to keep this between us, though. If it comes out what happened, then I look terrible, Phin looks worse, I go back to the deck to work with people I beat up, and Phin gets whatever for putting his dick in an enlisted." That's about as vulgar as Kelsey has ever gotten, but she's quiet. The last thing she wants to do is break the faith. That's her reputation. That's Phin's reputation. "The Major already dressed me down for ignoring his order, now I've got this agonizing duty next week to Picon with Petra and these two Ensigns and I'm supposed to be perfect or I'm on the outs." She sighs heavily, listening as she slowwwwwly nudges the Predator forward and begins to pick up speed. Its still wobbly, but she is getting there while she slips the thing side to side to try and get it going. But she's listening. The more Yggy speaks, the smoother things get. Talking apparently helps. "I didn't know that about him. Poor guy." The PO lets off a long breath. "Gods, why does everything have to be complicated? ..Wish I'd known. Whatever happened to the girl?"

"I still don't get what it has t'do with goin' t'Medical." Ygraine says, still a little confused. "I'm assumin' they went after him for the Cylon thing. And here's a tip: if he asks, that's what ya say. End of discussion. I sure as shit ain't gonna tell him, and Kelz - it ain't like I ain't guilty of frat myself. I'll keep yours under my hat if ya do the same. And everything's complicated cuz people are complicated. Don't know what happened t'her but she's dead now so it don't matter."

"Sheperd wanted us to go to Medical after the fight last night to get checked out and cleared for duty. I hit a Crewman in the back of the head with my backpack I lug around. Another Ensign beat up a Chief. Phin is okay, though, I think." Kelsey settles her head back into the seat and looks straight ahead as she tries to steer the bird around the virtual sky. "Yeah, they went after him about the twin thing. And no worries. I won't tell. When happens up here, stays up here, or something." Kelsey sounds better but in those mirrors Ygraine can see that it still hurts. "Wish I were older and didn't feel so stupid about this.

"So if ya think about it, the goin' t'Medical thing ain't got nothin' t'do with ya frakkin' Phinny." Ygraine says matter-of-factly. And Buzzkill ain't gonna find out. That's sorted, even if ya gotta work through it on the emotions side." She snorts. "Kelz, if ya ever spent five minutes listenin' to Holtzy bitch about his ex-wife you'd know that bein' older don't necessarily make ya any wiser where relationships are concerned."

"It does to me," Kelsey says quietly. "I didn't want him to feel awkward about me sitting there next to him. And that's my fault. I shoulda just turned him down, but I was too excited. He was talking to me, and smiling, and there were jokes." Talking certainly seems to help her flying. She straightens out for the most part and seems to be okay, more or less, with going in a straight line. "Uhg. And here I were hoping that if I waited a few more years I might feel more like a grown-up. Gods, that's depressing. Got any tips?" she asks.

"Don't sweat it. Women linger over things, but guys? Five minutes after whatever's over, they're already onto the next thing." Ygraine counsels. "I know you're gonna analyze it t'death, but…try not to let it ride your forebrain."

"That's why I didn't sleep last night," Kelsey mutters. "Laying in bed, my brain won't shut off. Thinking about how bad I've screwed up by ridin Phin's bones. My heart doing little flips while he was talking and I'm laying there last night feeling like a wounded horse, rode and spent. I wish it were easier for me." Kelsey flies them along in a pretty safe direction and altitude. Its about as exciting as walking up a rural driveway on a sunny day. "How-" she starts. "How do you do it, Milk? You're always so cheery and relaxed and.. you're good with the guys. How're you so flirty and fun without getting attached?"

"I'm honest and I say what I think, I guess." Milkshake says, but from her tone, she really doesn't know. She's on the right track baby, she was born this way. "I mean, I make my expectations real clear up front, before clothes start comin' off. Some guys are like candy in a sampler box. Ya get a bite, you're done. Tippy was like that. But ya get favorite flavors. Holtzy's not just a guy I frak, he's my friend, and he's there for me when I need him. I'm real fond of him, and he's super good in bed, but that doesn't make it like I wanna marry him and have his big tattooed Tauron babies." She looks over her shoudlder with a grin. "I don't care if he's frakkin' other women, but I'd probably be bummed if he found someone permanent-like. I'd also be happy for him. Ya know?"

"Really? You can do that?" The pilot sounds like she's aghast with the idea. "You can tell a guy that you just want to, you know, scratch an itch? Some nights I'd kill for that," Kelsey sighs, turning the Predator over through a very slow roll. "Get one of those favorite flavors, wake up with it, but its not a Thing. Gods, that's like the most mature thing I can think of." Because at 20, dead people are still more mature than you are. "I had something like that with my friend back on Picon before I enlisted. After I had my baby I was real lonely. Most of my friends left me, but he didn't and he was safe. We slept together a few times and I was attached but I know he didn't want to be a daddy at seventeen so we never ever talked about it. Like a week before I left for boot, we were drinking and he gave me a drunk proposal and stuff. It was super sweet, but that was the last time I saw him. He confessed he was serious. We had one last hurrah and that was that. I was afraid to see him again afterwards. Three years ago, Gods," she breathes.

"Why?" asks Yggy. "I mean, what's t'be afraid of, really? He sounded like a nice fella. And yeah. Ninety nine percent of guys like it if you're up front. Keeps things from bein' complicated, they know what they're gettin' into. There's those who have issues, like think it's crude or get pissy because ya take the option of head games away when ya do, but them that are like that ain't worth your time. But ya absolutely gotta be honest, and ya gotta be willing t'accept rejection."

"He was seventeen. I'd already crashed my life by having a kid and dropping out of high school for a GED. I knew I didn't want to drag him down. I had to be the adult and walk away. He was a super nice guy. I'd thought about calling him up when this mission was complete. Seeing if he wanted to give something a try." And now he's probably charbroiled. The aircraft roll is complete and she nudges the throttles up to fly a little faster. "I think that's a good way to look at life, Milk. I might have to try that sometime. The problem is I'm super shy and, like, I always wonder what kind of person they are. I've already got one kid. Are they looking to sneak in and be a daddy? I may not want that. So I get paranoid. Phin just made me giddy." She shakes her head.

"Kelz, don't take this the wrong way, but are ya some kinda wacky religious that don't believe in birth control or somethin'?" Ygraine asks, sounding genuinely baffled. "I'll give ya a couple of boxes of condoms if ya want, and ya could always go t'medical and ask if they have any IUDs. I got mine updated back on Virgon. I mean, if ya don't want t'get pregnant…then take steps."

Kelsey hears all that and laughs. Its a relief to hear and she rolls the plane again. Finally, a healthy sound. "Oh Gods, Milk. Noooooo. Nononono. No, one is enough for Kelsey Wescott right now and I learned just how much I prefer a condom to a baby. Don't get me wrong, love my daughter, but wow." Kels laughs. "No, I mean that there are guys out there that try to weasel in. They want to be a daddy but go after women who already have kids. They want to be the hero and think they are doing someone like me a favor. I sorta hold that up there with a pityparty. If I needed rescuing, I'd have taken Duke's offer of having the rest of my life paid for." She snerks, actually smiling. "Hell no, Milk. Not a religious nutter. I just guard myself and my independence."

"Well, then." Ygraine does a couple of sensor sweeps and reports, "I need you to drop to these coordinates and give me a 30 second hover so I can get a scan." Tappity tap tap, and she notes, "I can't tell ya t'be me or anythin'. Best I can tell ya is t'try and stop bein' afraid of what might be and make your expectations clear. If Phinny gives ya butterflies, you'd best be prepared to be like that story about th'girl who goes in the garden every day for hours and hours sittin' perfectly still until one day a bird finally comes and pecks at the seed in her hand."

Kelsey punches in the coordinates. She's used to avionics systems so this isn't a big deal for her. She turns the wrong way the first time, though, and begins a slow correction back the right way almost immediately. "Okay. Going down." She pulls back the throttles and begins an easy descent. As the plane dives, Kelsey leans her head to the side in the seat. Talking definitely seems to bring an ease to her flying. "I guess I see your point," the PO concedes. "I mean, it was a lot of /fun/ and I certainly didn't mind at the time. Kind of a lot of fun, actually. I've never been tossed around like that." She does her best to avoid grinning but fails. It hurts the lip. "So I should stop being afraid." Its repeated. She blinks a few times and glances down. "Approaching coordinates."

"Yup. It's the push off that has all the baggage, ya know. Once you're in the air, ya tend to wonder what the frak ya were scared of in the first place." The Tao of Yggy, at your service. She starts her scans once Kelsey has the Pred in position. "So…ya wanna hear about What Holtzy did?" Oh, the feline satisfaction in that purr.

Kelsey thinks on that, smiling to herself as she drops the Predator down. Its slow coming into a hover and she goes too far. "Oops," she mutters and begins a slow turn back. "I hadn't thought about that. There is something kind of relaxing. Very zen." Kelsey sighs. "But you made a good point, Yggy." She slowly brings the Predator back into position. Its by no means a pretty hover, the plane dancing from wingtip to wingtip, but its there… until she starts again. "I'm terrified. Of everything. I always have been. My gramma, the ECO, used to tell me that flying was the only release. Its the ultimate fear inducer. That when you master your fears, you claim control of your life." Kelsey mutters something in her chuckle. Did- did Kelsey just curse?? "Hah. No kidding, gramma. Look at me now." There's an all-too-pleased sigh. "Do I wanna hear? Milk, if you don't tell me, there might be a problem."

Ygraine lets out a laugh. "Well, after he clocked me a few good ones, he took me off and let me cry on him. We started makin' out, and he started kissin' my neck, right over where the scar is. I got a little wigged, ya know? And he was real sweet and moved off of it, but he'd just gotten done tellin' me it was okay, what I was feelin', so I decided tobe brave and told him that he could kiss me wherever he wanted. So he did. Boy did he." Yes Kelsey, she means exactly what you think she means.

"Awwwwwwwwww," Kelsey sighs out in the front seat. "Ohhhmigods," she breathes. The Petty Officer just grins, damn the pain of her lip. "That sounds totally adorable." A pause. "Except for the part about kissin where he wants. That? That's hot. That's damned hot." She shivers up in the front seat and its probably not from any temperature change outside. "That sounds like the kinda guy you might want to keep tabs on. ..And you said he's just a favorite flavor?"

There's a hesitation for a moment. "His signals have been a bit mixed lately." Ygraine confesses. "But that may be my readin' problem and not his broadcastin' problem, know what I mean?"

Kelsey seems to finally settle the Predator well into the hover. She keeps her mind on something else and it seems to flow a little easier for her. "I know what you mean. Like my Phin problem. I was hoping for much more and he was just looking to unstress. We weren't communicating." She laughs again. "Gods, Yggy, you're so right. It all just melts away. Its like sex but without the awkward relationship, fights, and passive aggressive texting. And you even get a partner." Kelsey relaxes, her joints limbering more with each passing minute. "Gods, I can't wait to do this for real." A happy sigh crosses her. "So if he's throwing mixed signals, or you are just havin problems with your antenna, what're you hearing? Thinking it might sound more serious? He sounds like a real sweetheart."

"The answer to all of those questions is 'I don't know.'" replies Yggy thoughtfully. "I like the way things are now. I ain't ever had a steady and I ain't sure Kurt wants one. I ain't sure I want one. But he's a little more than a frakbuddy. If that makes any sense at all." She then notes, "Now, if you want a recommendation? Good lookin' considerate, clean, and fun t'talk to? Alexander Agrippa. Mrrrow." Yggy nods knowingly.

"Yep. More than just a guy you're comfortable with. Like a confidant?" she asks with the same smile on her voice. "That's the relationship I had with Jordan. We'd do our thing and it was sweet afterwards, but we'd always talk. Share secrets. It was intimate. But we weren't walking around holding hands and we didn't feel the need to call each other every day or two days. Sometimes I'd only see him once a week and it was okay. It was regular. He was okay to sleep with other girls, but I don't think he ever did. I never saw other guys. Does that sound like you two? Would you consider his feelings if you were going to bed with another guy?" The mention of Agrippa gets a laugh, though. "Is that- I think that's the other guy who was fighting with Phin and I last night. Mmmmm. Yes, Mistress Shake, I think you and I have taste that coincides."

"I don't know if I'd call Holtz 'sweet'. He definitely ain't sappy. But he knows who he is and he ain't afraid of it." Ygraine pauses a moment, musingly. "He kissed me in the sickbay when I got back from Piraeus. And held my hand. He probably didn't think anything of it. I don't wanna misread things. I think it's best to just enjoy what is and if he wants something else, he'll speak up." She grins. "Grippy's adorable. Full of himself of course, but ya know how stick jocks are."

"My definition of sweet is broad. If a guy takes the time to reassure you that the scars you've got are not going to deter him, then goes the extra mile with an interpretation? On Picon, that's sweet. If he brings flowers? Even better." Kelsey can't help her grin. She sounds farrrrr more relaxed. Hands move on the controls and she slowly puts in more power to start moving again. "Sounds like you know what you're doing, Shake. But holding hand is a step, dangit! And- and- and don't you fault me for wanting to add romance to my life, even if its vicariously through you! Appease my girl!" she laughs, adding more power. "Are they all that bad? Seriously? I'm not into cocky. I like a guy that doesn't need to prove himself over and over with his mouth. Silent confidence, yanno?"

"Most of 'em like t'talk a good game." Ygraine says with a grin. "There's always exceptions. And eh…I think Holtz's idea of romance would be to beat some jerk up and drop him at my feet like a cat leaving a dead bird for you on your welcome mat." She snickers.

Kelsey laughs, nodding. "Where is Holtz from? He sounds local to my home turf. Some ruffian scoundrel who enjoys a tussel not just in the sack but out. Break me off a piece of that." She dances a bit in the ejection seat, shoulders swinging side to side while the sim moves them on. "Shame, though. I've been shopping lately. Looking around, trying to find someone suitable. But I always find something wrong with them. Like you said, I'm probably just too afraid. But I do know I prefer someone who is more humble."

"Tauron. Can't miss him, he's the big fella with tatts, either smokin' a cancer stick or chewin' on a toothpick." Ygraine supplies. "You'll meet him, I'm sure. And eh. Don't go lookin'. It'll happen when it's right, ya know?"

"I'll try to keep my paws off any large, tattoo'd Taurans with a nic habit," Kelsey agrees with a laugh. "If he comes by the berths I'll do my best to take detailed messages with dates, times, closet numbers, and supplies to bring. …Yanno I hear the Marines make good use of their zipties. Safer than handcuffs. More quiet, too." Kelsey just smiles to herself, the PRed getting a little lower as she gets her comfort level higher. "Yeah, well, look what shopping got me. I spent forty minutes cryin in a closet, wrapped in blanket, the rest of the night hating myself, the next day more of the same, then I get busted for worrying about his feelings. Now I've gotta fly to Picon with two Ensigns I don't even know to babysit the Colonel for some boring-ass meeting and I'm going to be out of a cockpit for Gods knows how many days." Muttermutter.

"Oh, hey - I don't own him. If he hits ya up, I can't say nothin'." Ygraine says hastily, but after a moment adds, "But if he's not sniffin', I think for now I'd think ya kind if ya didn't go pokin'. If that's cool. I gotta sort that shit out at some point." But she's not in any hurry. "Also, that's what ya get for bein' a dumbass. Stop bein' a dumbass. Things can only go up now, kay?"

Kelsey chuckles. "If its all the same to you, darlin Shakes, I think I'll just avoid bouncin on your 'friend', even if he's just a favorite flavor. I've got no interest in rockin the boat. I'll probably have to go find my own at some point," she sighs. That means crawling out of her shell. That means a lot of things, few of them easy. The last has her laugh and she nods. "Yes, sir!" she pipes. "I'll try. I think I'll try and refrain from duplicating that experience again so yeah. Not too much to worry about there."

"Well, ya know what they say." Ygraine notes cheerily. "No show without punch." Whatever that means, it makes sense in her head, okay? "Now let's see if you can land this baby."

Kelsey spends 1 luck points on DONT CRASH.
<FS3> Kelsey rolls Piloting: Success.

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