MD #219: Nothing to be Ashamed Of
Nothing to be Ashamed Of
Summary: Lleufer comes to talk to his prisoner in medical
Date: 13/11/2017
Related Logs: What's Next
Atticus Lleufer Miri 
Recovery Ward - Deck 3 - Battlestar Orion
About half the size of the Medical Center, the Recovery Ward has fewer beds to allow space for those who are going through recovery. Rather than the drab gray of most of the center, the walls in here have been done in a neutral creme color. The beds are a little thicker and the blankets are actually present. There are a few clocks and the only other decoration are a couple of flatscreens that show muted movies from the ship's library, though tablets are common. Behind each bed is a small touchscreen for tracking vitals and is linked to Medical personnel tablets. A couple stacks of recent magazines are available near the door for nurses to pass around, too.

While his headaches are diminishing as predicted, Atticus is still a little spaced on painkillers, and some kind soul has dimmed the lights a touch. His first couple of days were spent largely in the fetal position in a mix of pain and emotional shock, but he's starting to slowly interact more with the surroundings. Right now he's sat up on the bed, wrapped in a blanket, and trying to carefuly drink some water. His hands are a little shakey, but thats getting better too. The books and tablet are set to one side and look to be untouched from when they were brought up from the brig, but sitting up is a definite improvement.

Lleufer has not wanted to rush things and has stayed away a day or two to give Atticus time to start adjusting. It was enough to check in with Miri or Samtara to keep tabs on how their POW was doing but little Lleu could do to help but wait and stay out of the way. Quietly worried about how Atticus would take all of it as things became clear, it's not a meeting Ynyr has been eager to rush into. Still, it is his responsibility to check on their POW and more than that, to look in on Amos' son.

When he arrives, the Gunnery Sergeant stops just inside of the Recovery Ward hatch. Lleu is in his usual Marine MP duty uniform with sidearm. He takes a long moment to watch and study Atticus from across the room before he starts to walk over slowly.

Atticus has either managed to skip the usual obligatory medical scrubs, or just has his PT jumper on over the top. Not that it's overly cold mind, but it's the ends of said jumper's sleeves that poke out from underneith the blanket, not the thinner scrubs. With his legs folded under the bed's main blanket, and his focus on the drink, he doesn't actually spot Lleu's arrival until he's closer, when the sound of his foot steps draw his attention outwards. On glancing up he looks weary, worn, and has that faint puffy look round his eyes that suggest that emotions have been occuring. As it is obvious that the Master at Arms is headed for him he slowly, carefully, turns to set the cup down, then slides himself off the bed and stands besides it. Well, more leans against it, keeping the blanket round his shoulders in place as if it's some sort of protection, then, when Lleu is a few foot away, he looks down as if ashamed, and hoolds his hands out to be cuffed. Time to go back to his cell he presumes.

The pointy eared elf demon gets a little wary when Atticus moves to stand up. Lleufer stops and studies the man, how he's moving, the expression upon Atticus' face. He stays back about 6 feet or slightly more as he takes in those details. "You didn't have to get up. You're welcome to sit down. I came by to see how you are doing. You look … a little rough."

Atticus does not, in anyway, look like a man who's about to commit violence. Theself confidence he'd previously had is gone, there's simply no trace of it in his posture or expression. He can't even quite look at Lleu's face, although his eyes do flick up briefly when it seemshe's not about to be lead away. Keeping his arms out for a few moments longer just in case, he then drops them to his side and sits back down on the bed. Having noted the waryness he shuffles backwards enough that he can pull his legs up as well and crosses them infront of him before his arms disappear back inside the blanket and he draws it close. "Only a little?" he manages with effort, "well thats something I suppose.

Lleufer thins his own mouth. Once Atticus has resumed his seat, a chair is snagged and turned about. Ynyr straddles it and rests his arms over the chair back as he continues to study Atticus. "You're definitely acting different. If you want me to go away, leave you be, I'll go. But I'd like to know how you are feeling. Are you all right?" 'Cause Atticus doesn't seem to be all right. "You need anything new to read? More music? I'm not moving you back to the brig until Medical clears you for release. Want to be sure you are going to be all right, first."

"My head hurts," Atticus says simply, quietly, "and I can't always stop my hands from shaking, but it's getting better. Another day or two, or so I'm told." He has no reason to believe the medical staff are lying when they say that after all. As for how he's feeling? Well, thats an entirely different question, one he avoid momentarilly by shaking his head at the question of is he needs anything else. It's only a brief avoidance though because then it comes up again and he has to answer. "How am I feeling?" There's another quick glance to Lleu, then his eyes drop to the space between them. "Like everything I've ever known has been turned upside down. Everything I knew is a sham, and everything I did was an abomination. Since I was twelve my life has been a series of lies, one on top of the other, so no, I don't think I am all right." He closes his eyes briefly as he ends on, "unless shame and guilt are all right, in which case I guess I am."

The Master-at-Arms thins his mouth again as he listens, watching Atticus closely. The hands are noted, but he's keenly interested in the last parts. A slow nod, "Quite a lot to think about. But, /you/ have nothing to be ashamed of, Atticus. You were just a kid, caught up in a nasty, dirty war and in the hands of the Skath. I'd have faired no better." Lleufer fingers the steel and plastic on the back of the chair, his baritone low. "You're not angry with us for trying to remove the Cleric's tampering? To give you back your original memories?"

"Knock knock," comes a voice from the other side of the divider curtain. There's no actual door to knock on, so Lt. JG Zahav makes do. She peeks her head in. "I need to take your vitals. If you'd prefer I send someone else to do it, I understand entirely."

Atticus doesn't appear to have the energy to be angry. A combination of headaches, memories flooding back and re-evaluating his actions over the past seventeen years have meant that sleep has been fitful at best. Even with that factored in though, he doesn't seem to be angry, and just shakes his head slowly at the question. He's not actually entirely sure what did happen, as is probably shown when Miri makes her appearance and he just slides one arm out from under the blanket he's wrapped round himself so she can do what she needs. Then, focusing back on Lleufer, or more realistically the back of the chair Lleu is sat on, he considers what was said. "You might be able to blame the machines for it all," he replies, voice still quiet, "but I'm not sure I can. Not when I remember the things I did, the things I saw. My sister… " Nope, apparently thats way to raw doe now and he drops his head again, tightening the pull of the blanket around him.

The Gunnery Sergeant flicks a glance to Miri but most of Lleu's attention is for Atticus. At least until his question is answered. "Things you never would have done if they hadn't taken you, altered your memories, and raised you into what they wanted you to be. You'd /never/ have hurt your own sister if it hadn't been for Skath rule, their laws, the entire situation they forced you and her into. I am sorry, Atticus. We'll get you through this some how, but we'll go slowly." An upnod for Miri, "Lieutenant. I can go if you want."

Miri shakes her head. "No need, Gunny. It's just blood pressure, pulse ox and temperature." She pulls her rolling blood pressure machine into the room. Atticus likely will recognize it. She walks in, and carefully puts the cuff around his arm. She bites her tongue, metaphorically. She wants to apologize, to ask for forgiveness for what she's done, but she knows better. Her furrowed brow might betray her, though.

Atticus does recognise the machine, but he makes no effort to resist Miri or her ministrations. The moment the cuff inflates and starts to pinch is met with a faintly pained expression, he's still not in anyway used to that sensation, but it fades quickly enough. He gives himself a few moments, then forces himself to look back up to Lleufer, "La… Emily told me not to, but I want to formally renounce myy title. I.. I have no idea how.. Should I talk to Commander Petra?" Seems like someone has explained the proper form of address to him at last, but his expression is still that of someone who finds themselves profundly lost.

Lleufer watches Miri doing her necessary work and gives a slight nod. He listens to Atticus, "In a few days, when you are stronger, released from Medical. Then I imagine you may speak with the Commander if that is your wish, or you may speak with Emily herself. Or both of them. We'll do anything we reasonably can to accomidate you and help you transition. Do you still hate your father, Atticus?"

"Our social structure doesn't even have a place for that title, so I guess all you have to do is just stop using it." Miri clips the pulse ox monitor onto Atticus' index finger. "I'm going to put this machine in your ear for just a moment. It will not affect your mind in any way. It just takes your body temperature," she explains carefully, and guiltily, showing him the in-ear thermometer.

For all Atticus knows the machine Miri is showing him could be an elaborate deathray, but he holds his head still so she can do what she needs anyway. "Emily was here earlier," he notes for Lleufer, "she said she'd kept her titles, but I don't think I can. Not given what it means." He's turn to look to Miri when he replies to her, but there's that thing in his ear, so instead he just says, "I'd rather make it official. Or as official as it can be. I don't want it, and I want that on record, a clean break." Of course,k now he's replied to that he has to go back to Lleu's final question. One that briengs him grief to even think about. He'd shake his head were it not for the thermometer, but does close his eyes an dlook down as he says simply, "no. I don't hate my dad."

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that, Atticus. You're father was … an important piece of my life, who I am. And I'm glad if we have his son back." Lleufer gets up from the chair and then puts it back. "There's a hell of a lot that has come crashing down on you. You need time to absorb and adjust. But you have friends here, people who care about what happens to you, if you let us." Lleu gives Miri a nod, "I'll get out of your hair. But if either of you need me, or want to talk, let me know. I'll check back in later. Rest, Atticus."

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