AWD #252: I Thought I Had More Choices
I Thought I Had More Choices
Summary: Deep and personal discussions on the nature of choice occur in the Chapel
Date: 15/Sep/2013
Related Logs: None
Phin Amos 
Chapel - Deck 3 - Battlestar Orion
The chapel is one of the few quiet places to be found on a battlestar. Even rarer still, it's one of the few places that doesn't look like it's part of a battlestar. Heavy blue curtains have been hung from the walls, obscuring the bulkheads. The lights are kept low, adding a certain mystery and gravitas to the space. The central altar is made of a pale grey wood, as are the several rows of pews which extend from it. Laid against the far right wall is a long, low table with several rows of simple white votive candles to be used as vigil lights. Centered among them is a brass plate for burnt offerings from supplicants. Several cushions rest on the floor before the table, where the faithful may kneel to offer their prayers to the Lords and Ladies of Kobol. On the left wall are several compartments which have been sectioned off for private use.
AWD #252

The chapel's quiet at this hour. Not that that's unusual between services. It's one of the few places on the ship that can be called 'peaceful.' Phin is one of the few personnel here just now. He's up at the altar dedicated to the god Ares. He's placed a candle there, and is watching it flicker slowly down with a solemn frown on his face. If he's praying, they aren't vocal prayers. He's just watching the little flame, arms crossed along his chest.

Amos doesn't perhaps attend services as often as he should, but he has half an hour or so of free time and he's decided to use it to pay his reverences. That or simply enjoy the peace. The later is unlikely though as he doesn't just sit in one of teh rows of pews before the main alter but instead offers a respectful headbow to said alter before moving over to one of the side alters. Athena. He spots Phin, it's hard not to, but the look on the pilot's face means he isn't about to interupt the other's devotions.

Phin doesn't notice Amos right away. He's firmly up in his own head at the moment. Though, as he steps back from the altar, he does spot the Marine. A small area dedicated to offerings to the goddess Aurora is his next stop. He places a candle there as well, lighting it. It's only after that's done that he offers a respectful, "Captain" to Amos. It's said low. Like he's afraid of speaking too loud in here.

Amos hears the greeting, although he makes no initialy sign that he has. Having dropped to one knee just before the alter he continues to mouth something either silently, or so quiet that it carries no further than his own ears. Then, once thats done he bows he head in utter silence for a moment then stands and take a half pace backwards. Only then does he turn towards the pilot and answer with an equally quiet, "Lieutenant." Although he then also adds, "good to see you on your feet again."

"Thank you," Phin replies to Amos simply. He doesn't linger in the goddess' area long, moving on to make one final offering. He moves like one going through a regular routine. His next stop is in a corner dedicated to Hades. It's not terribly popular. But he lights another candle there, bowing his head over it a beat after the offering is placed.

Amos looks to be working though a set too, for next he takes the spot infront of Ares' alter that Phin had so recently been occupying. There's no kneeling this time though and he just stands, head bowed, uttering only a few words before he's stepping back once more. The pilot's third destination gains a faintly quizical look but he makes no immediate comment as he makes his way to his third and final port of call, Hermes. The same short obediences are observed as were with Ares and then he turns back to the main alter once more. Or the main area of the room at least, for his eyes flick once more to the pilot rather than the actual alter itself. "Thanking him for staying his hand?" he asks quietly, always having been one to personally leave the god of the dead well alone.

"I guess," Phin replies soft, after he's finished whatever silent prayers he had to say before Hades. He moves back from the altar, to ease himself down into a seat in the nearest pew. He can't help but let out a breath of relief as he sits. Standing for too long still isn't a thing he's quite back in shape to do comfortably. "I don't really know what I pray to him for, tell you the truth." Though he says it like it's something of a regular thing. "Just seems…I don't know. Feel like I should, the way things are, way they're going."

Amos moves a little closer so that they can converse without disturbing anyone else who might arrive, but keeps his feet for now. "Must admit I always figured if I kept my head down he might not notice me. Seems to have worked so far, but then he might just be toying with me I suppose. There's some Lords you never can tell with. Others," he tilts his head towards Ares and smile faintly, "are a little more straight forward."

"Everybody pays the ferryman eventually." Such is Phin's non-chipper observation. "Might as well accept it." He sounds a touch bitter about it, for all his talk of acceptance. His own eyes follow Amos' to the spot in honor of Ares. "True, that. Always know what he wants from you." There might be a touch of bitterness there, too, but it's harder to tell. It's more a kind of tired resignation. "Did you always want to be a Marine, Captain?"

"Aye," Amos agrees with a very slight nod, "but I'd rather him not notice me for a good few years yet if I can avoid it." He takes a deep inhail at teh question, then lets it out slowly as he thinks. "Deep down? Possibly, I don't know if I'm honest, but otherwise, no." A faint hint of amusement catches on his features as he continues, "I was going to be lawyer, like every one else in the family, but then thats Libran for you. No, it wasn't until University that I actaully realised that there were other options out there."

"I came up through a Fist on Scorpia," Phin says. He adds, "Ares Cult-run school." In case Amos doesn't know, though they aren't uncommon throughout the colonies. "Military seemed like the only option to go to university that made any sense. Got into the Academy, though, so I was pretty lucky. All things considered. Your folks were lawyers?"

Amos nods silently at the information then adds his own, "It was a group of ROTC brats who dragged me in. They were getting sponsered to get their degrees and while that wasn't an issue for me, it did give that first indication that there was options other than the family firm." Glancing down to where Phin sits and smiles a little, "mind you, they tried to stick me in the JAG's office first, but I'd already decided by that point that the courtroom wasn't for me. Aye though, parents, grandparents and enough generations back that I'd bore you before I even got started. Siblings too, all bar one, but he trained the same way and then managed to marry a lady who's happy to let him be a kept man."

"Worse things you could be than a lawyer," Phin murmurs. "It's all about where you sit, though, I guess. Why'd you want to be a Marine instead?" He adds, "My brother joined the Corps after we got out. A lot of guys from the Fist did. I thought about it…I don't know. I guess I wanted to think I had some choices about where I ended up, too."

"A found I enjoyed the outdoor life," Amos answers with a shrug, "besides, how many people do you know who actually want to live on Libran?" Nodding to the comment about the pilot's brother he asks the obvious question, "which regiment?" he might have served with the guy after all, although Phin's name hadn't run any bells, so maybe not. "Way I always figured it, you either give up on having a say where you go and just enjoy the life, or learn the skills you need to succeed in civie street and muster out after a couple of tours. Leadership, planning, time management, all the things they drilling to your head in training. Me, I went career a few years back, once I finally felt settled."

"They're worse places in the worlds…maybe. I've never been," Phin says, of Libran. As for his brother, "He's stationed on the Orion. Charlie Company. Spends a lot of time doing security duty down on Piraeus lately, though." As for the bit about learning skills, he nods. "Yeah. I figured after I put in my time with the Fleet, it would be pretty easy to get a civvie job piloting. And I wouldn't have to…everything seemed different back then, though. I think I thought I had more choices than I did…just ended up exactly where he wanted me anyway." His blue eyes still rest on the statue of Ares.

"Undoubtably," Amos accepts with a faint nod, "there's nothing wrong with it persay, there's just nothing particualrly inspiring about it either. Well, unless your idea of a good night is to argue the minutee of colonial law for hours on end." A slight stretch of the truth perhaps, but it gives a flavour at least. "Wasn't a bad plan," he offers almost consolidatory to Phin, "couldn't have predicted the canners would return." He does flick his eyes to Ares' alter again though, expression grim for a moment.

Phin chuckles soft. "It doesn't sound awful. But…yeah. I was hooked up with a pre-law student for awhile on Leonis, and those conversations got pretty old after awhile. She might've ended up going to school on Libran. Kind of lost touch." Shrug. "Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be." Again, there's that resigned quality about the way he says it.

Amos stays quiet for a few moments, considering things in the resultant silence. When he does speak though he states, a shade quieter than before, "there are other ways you know Lieutenant." Motioning briefly with his chin towards the statue of Athena he explains, "she's a God of War too, only she prefers those who think and it sounds to me that you do enough of that to qualify. If the big boy ain't doing it for you, don't be afraid to consider another patron."

"I'm not sure it's really about what we want, Captain. It's about what they want with us," Phin replies low. "Maybe we don't have as many choices as we'd like. Maybe we just fool ourselves into thinking we do."

"We have choices," Amos replies confidently, "it's one of the things that sets us apart from the canners. We've got that whole 'free will' thing." Except maybe for the skinjobs, but then they just complicate everything so he conveniently forgets to mention them. He eyes the younger officer for a moment or two then asks, "you spoken with one of the Chaplins? THis is more their expertese than mine."

"I mean…Athena's the patron goddess of Libran. So, even if you didn't become a lawyer, you're still serving her. Maybe this was what she wanted you to do all along. You just…felt like you were making your own choices. But it was just another road to get you where she wanted you to be." Phin's eyes never leave the altar to Ares as he talks. He nods, about the chaplains. "Sometimes. I keep thinking about it but…I don't know. I can't seem to get away from it, so maybe I should just stop thinking. Embrace what he wants from me. Maybe that's how you get to be happy."

"No Lieutenant," Amos replies with the faint hints of a smile, "doing what you enjoy is how you get to be happy." Having apparently got fed up of sanding, he slips into the pew just infront of Phin and continues, "he's a big man, he's powerful, but he's not the biggest out there. You were brought up in his cult. So what? You've got a brain Lieutenant, you proved that by getting into the Academy, and then again by graduating. Me? I started paying attention to him when I joined the Corp and he's done alright by me, but if he's asking too much of you, or even things you aren't comfortable with, then find another. Just cos he got his claws in you early doesn't mean you can't prise them out again if he's smothering you." He takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly, "think on it at least, prove to him that you have your own mind and aren't afraid to use it. Then, if you stay with him, it will be your choice, not his."

"I was dedicated to Ares when I was fourteen." Phin says it with a slight note of correction. "Before that, I wasn't brought up to be much of anything. If it hadn't been for that…well, I definitely wasn't headed toward being an Academy puke. I owe him that. If there's a price to it…everything costs, y'know. There are way worse things you could do with your life…and he's everywhere now, anyway. Picon, Caprica, maybe Aerilon after that. Maybe Leonis eventually, Scorpia…war without end." His eyes flit to the altar of Hades. "Until it ends."

Amos accepts the correction with a faint upnod. "Everything has a price, that's true, but that doesn't mean you have to keep paying it over and over." Resting an arm on the back of the pew so he's turned slightly to the pilot, "we'll beat them Lieutenant, never doubt that. Aye, he'll be a big part of that, but as I said, he's not the only Lord of War and we aren't going to finish this with raw power alone, we'll need her cunning too," a nod towards Athena again there, "and the others as well. There are other paths open to you, some'll do you good, others not so much, but they're there. It was my time to work that out when I decided to break with tradition, maybe it's your time now."

"I know where I'm going," Phin says, eyes unmoving. He sighs heavy, blinking, and making himself look away. "And there are way worse things I could've done with my life. So it's fine. Everybody tells me I think too much. Maybe I should stop. Anyway. Sorry, Captain. I should go." With that, he stands.

Amos doesn't move to stand, watching Phin as the pilot moves. "Never stop thinking Lieutenant," he replies, "change what you think about maybe, but never stop thinking." He reaches one hand to gently tap at his skull a few times, "it's our greatest weapon and aye, it might tear us up sometimes, but the minute we give up on it we give up on ourselves."

"I hope whatever Athena has in store for you does you well," Phin says simply. And with that, off he goes.

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