AWD #483: How do you feel about it?
How do you feel about it?
Summary: Kelsey picks at Toby's head
Date: Various/10/2016
Related Logs: Messages
Kelsey Toby 
Recovery Ward - Deck 3 - Battlestar Orion
About half the size of the Medical Center, the Recovery Ward has fewer beds to allow space for those who are going through recovery. Rather than the drab gray of most of the center, the walls in here have been done in a neutral creme color. The beds are a little thicker and the blankets are actually present. There are a few clocks and the only other decoration are a couple of flatscreens that show muted movies from the ship's library. A couple stacks of old magazines are available near the door for nurses to pass around, too.
AWD #483

Kelsey has been parked in Recovery just over two days. The word around is she and three others had been shot down over Aerilon and went through some shit on the ground. Bad. Two were critical. But there in sickbay she doesn't look so bad. She has her bed propped up and she only looks mildly drugged at this point, enjoying the boredom at least a little. She doesn't have any visible bandages except on her right cheek, but they're small and clean. There's a pad of paper and a pen beside her, but currently unused. The other four wounded (Randy, Elena, Alastair, and Kelton) are all passed out.

The marines being out is probably a good thing, for the next person to stick their head through the hatch from the main medical area is Toby, and we all know what happens when he's in a confined space for a bunch of jar heads. Knowing exactly where Kelsey is berthed he doesn't need to stop and look round, so just heads over. "Your not pretending to be asleep this time I see," he greets with a grin before plonking himself down on a handy chair, "about ready to break out yet? I've got a team on hand with spades and hardhats to dig a tunnel out of here."

Kelsey looks over with hearing someone coming in and there's a low smile for him. "Tobes," she breathes with obvious affection. She turns her head to follow him as he comes closer and she does-so as he sits as well. "Somewhat. I'm borrrred but at least there's good drugs. I stopped trying to fight the Doctors a long time ago. Last time I tried to do too much after I got hurt, I ended up with a crutch for a month. That's not gonna help none. But I do appreciate the thought." She smiles a touch again. "Lots of SAMs. Was not fun."

"I thought we'd agreed that you weren't going to call me that," Toby replies with a weary smile, "seriously, do it again and I'm going to stop taking my shirt off for you." Screwing his face up at the mention of SAMs he changes the topic slightly to avoid everything getting morbid or depressing, "did I tell you I managed to get down to P a couple of times? Official work stuff mind, I'm still not allowed down on leave, but it wasn't too arduous."

"Shhh. Nobody else is around to hear it." The next gets a low, quiet laugh, a little view to who she used to be. "Then my lips are sealed. Take your shirt off for me anytime, Toby!" She keeps her voice quiet but just smiles big with it. The topic of P has her tilt her head a little and pop her brows. "Really? You have official business on P? For what? I mean, I'm supposed to fly a mission there in a few days but…" Crewman Shackleton? Troulemaker Extraordinaire??

"Playing messenger boy for the Admiral," Toby admits almost reluctantly, it's hardly the grandest of tasks when you have to explain it. "He wanted to test the waters as it where with Captain al Yamoha, so I ended up with the job. Got to see the outside of your bunker, well, the cave bit, but not through your seal, and then she gave me some info on Shepard, so I just had to go back again later to check up on that." Taking a few moments to comfortably slump in the chair he adds, "he's dead by the way. In case there was any doubt. Handed his tags in to Major Grey when I got back."
<Newbie> Jaxon has disconnected.

Kelsey looks confused at first, then her eyes go a bit wider. She just stares at Toby for about 7 seconds after he finishes before there's a peep from him. "I have about nine thousand questions." fingers move to the controller and she sits up a little more and reaches for the water, unable to actually reach it. It’s a gesture for help. "Shepard is dead." A statement, not a question. There's something dark there. "Frakking good." Those come very quietly, but she holds a personal look for him. "You brought back the tags. How do you feel about it?" She's gotten a hint of his rage - enough to know.

Toby grabs the water with little issue and passes it over before scrapping the chair closer to her side so they can talk with less chance of being disturbed, or overheard. "Single gunshot wound to the skull," Toby confirms with a nod, "from what Lilah showed me, she did it herself, and certainly there was a non-standard casing where I found the body." Aware that that isn't going to reduce the number of questions he pushes on, saying what he feels he needs to before giving her chance to respond. "I know you're probably going to call me crazy, that there's no real rational explanation for it, but what she showed me.. He understood in the end, what he'd done, because they were there, the people who died because of him, hundreds, thousands of them. He was judged by them, by her, and found wanting." He shakes his head slowly, his voice having long since dropped so it shouldn't carry. "They're learning to be at peace now, she said. Some already are, others will take longer, but they're finding their rest, and those back on the colonies.." he starts to trail off, there is emotion happening and he can't really deal with it beyond dropping his head so his face is hidden.

Kelsey takes the water with real appreciation on her face. She takes the straw into her mouth and sips like a dehydrated camel… until he mentions the manner of death. That all stops. She just stares at him with wider eyes. They lower as he explains and she lets the straw fall from her lips. That blank expression looks at him. "More questions. But… How do you feel about it?"

Toby takes his time in answering that. With his elbows near his knees and his head down he takes a few ragged breaths the steady himself. The rush of feelings that he'd had upon seeing the vision are now flooding back to him, but he knows inside that he can't let it out the same way as he had down on P. He's Tauran. Taurans don't cry. They get angry and break things, but they certainly don't cry. Once he's happy his eyes are remaining dry he sits upright again, taking the time to settle himself before he offers a faintly unconvincing shrug, "not sure I've quite worked that out yet. But it's good, if they've been avenged, and are finding their rest, it means there might actually be an end to this somewhere." Right?

Kelsey watches him react like that. She knows the guy well enough to sense a lot of things. Like trouble in the soul. She scootches a bit in the bed, and it hurts, but she once winces a little. Its more important for her to take his gloved hand. She reaches for it to clasp while she looks at him. For a Pican, Kelsey seems to have real empathy for the Taurans. "I don't know a lot about Tauron, hon, but I know that if even some can find rest then its a good thing. You're all souls with a lot of history and duty to each other. My hearts breaking for you, Toby. But I'm also happy that you feel like there's vindication." A pause. "And not because its you. Because its your people. We could have saved so many." She swallows hard, eyes glassing. "I really hope they found that rest."

"She said some were taking longer," Toby replies, the set of his jaw indicating that there's some effort going into his speech, "but I guess that isn't particularly surprising. I want to go tell the Minoans, but it'll have to wait until I can find an excuse to be planetside again." Closing his hand around her's for a moment he then lets go, although makes no move to force her to do the same. There's a few moments where he considers what to say next, before finally settling on, "so anyway, besides the SAMs, how was your holiday?" Not that he's chancing the subject, you understand.

The clasp of his hand to hers means something and she just gives him a sympathetic look. "In time." She holds her hand there, though, even if he isn't really holding hers. "Nono, you don't get to change the subject." Kelsey blinks slowly, apparently still a bit drugged. "That Captain showed you something, you said. They were there, the people who died? You found a shell casing." Kelsey just looks at him. "What did you see? I've heard so many stories.. nothing from anyone who was there." She takes a long breath. "Just by looking at you I know you-" No, she won't finish that thought. "What did you see?"

"She showed me her memories of his final moments," Toby replies, getting more of a grip on things again it seems. "I know she showed others deaths of some of her troops, but I asked her not to, even for him, it seemed like something too deeply private, someone else's death." He's not sure he can explain it, but it just seems wrong to him. "So she showed me, only I wasn't just shown, it was more like I was there. Like the firefight when we first found the ruins. Sight, smell, touch, emotion, the lot. Pushing himself to his feet he hunts out some water for himself as he tries to work out how to describe it, then does his best. "You said you'd seen some of them, at the bunker? Or at least felt their presence? It was like that, only instead of the figures being her troops, they were Minoans, fleet personnel, families. They faded into being alongside and behind her, so many of them I couldn't count." Needless to say, his grip on the water glass is tight, and if he weren't wearing his gloves, it'd be clear his knuckles where white.

Kelsey looks on, watching him. She's schooled her expressions so deeply that its hard for her to show much, but her brow speaks volumes to her concern for him. She just stares at him with those glassy eyes. The amount of weight to that? There's no question that the girl in front of him believes every word of it. Its her faith in him, completely. The belief in her friend. And his own faith in something more. "I felt them when we were there. All of us broke down crying. We could feel their hands. They were trying to comfort us. But the sadness…" She swallows. "It was profound. Did you feel like they were sad? Was there anything with it?" Kelsey seems more concerned for him than anything else.

"They were silent, all of them. Only she spoke." It's a simple answer, and delivered as such. "Had there been something more before? I don't know. He'd kept a journal, but the marines took it off me and handed it over to the Brass before I could read it. I could feel them though, and it wasn't that easy silence of no body wanting to talk, it was as if they were all there to witness what was to happen, and none of them wanted to miss a moment of it, however far back in the mass they were." He takes another sip of water, trying not to think too deeply about that silence while he's out and about where there are others who might see him. "I felt what it was like to transition though, to materialise, solidify, thats… that's something neither Standard nor Tauran have the words to describe."

Kelsey listens, watching him while he speaks. The pilot clearly may have a lot to say and think, but she also knows how important this is for Toby. "It sounds like they were there to witness it like any family would with a prisoner to be executed. I mean, nobody gets shot anymore-" before the war "-but still. I don't.. I suppose I wish I could have seen that. I think maybe a lot of people might. But it sounds like the most important people did. In some way." But materializing.. that.. "Toby, how- you felt her? You felt her move from dead to living?" She's still a little drugged so its a little garbled in how her mind thinks of it.

"Not as such," Toby replies, sitting up in his chair a little again, "or at least I don't think so. More from incorporeal to solid. It felt like there was some sort of boundary she pushed through, but there really are no words to describe it. For the whole time I was sort of riding along in her, if you want, I felt what she felt, saw what she saw. Callaghn said the same when she got to watch something, her's was different though, one of the others I think, but the same with regards to what was felt."

Kelsey lays in the bed, watching him. He can see her deep sadness for a moment. "I wish I could be someone else a lot. That sounds really nice." The things people say when high. "I think I understand. So maybe there's more people on this other side? I mean, it sounds like maybe there's two worlds? Is that right? Maybe another, like, dimension or something? They made artificial people. What if they were super technologically advanced. More than us."

"in my expert option," Toby starts, a hint of humour attempting to break out in his tone, "gained from mere seconds of experience, and long career in physics and philosophy, I suspect there are a lot more people on the other side. All of them dead though, I reckon. Now, how many of them can transition? Thats the question. Could our dead do it themselves? Could they only do it because she was there? Could they in fact do it at all, or was it just her that solidified. There’s enough there to keep a fraking boffin going for years. I dunno though, too far above my head. What I wouldn't give for a Pater though, thought I was wanting for one badly before, but now?" There's a pause as he shakes his head slowly, then just mutters, "frakking hell."

"Transitioned. The dead are somewhere. I mean.. this answers a lot of age old questions but.. it opens up so many more. And none of the answers are truly real. ..But I guess we know there is life after death. Or there's at least something. That's some comfort." Kelsey lets her gaze fall away and she looks at the space between them. There's no pained sounds, no flailing. A year ago that girl may have had a meltdown. The adult Kelsey doesn't go there. "I know you trust her, Toby. But what do you think about them shooting Zach? Not that Zach is dead is bad- but these things and people are supposedly dead. They shot him. What else can they do? Control? Does that worry you at all?"

"Well there's a question, although not one he hasn't considered himself while he's supposed to have been asleep, or paying attention in briefings. "On the individual act, I'm torn between wishing she'd made him suffer longer, and wishing she hadn't so I could, but in general I have no quarms with what she did. Looking at it as an indication of what they're capable of?" That gets a more solemn look. "If I didn't trust her, if they were an entirely unknown, it'd scare me more than the cylons do." He glances to look directly at her and arches a bow as he adds, "not that Taurans get scared you understand, figure of speech and all that."

Kelsey listens, still staring at nothing. "No I suppose that shooting him like that was probably just for the best. I can understand suffering and what it brings, but it won't change anything. With all of them there to see it- maybe that gunshot was just what they wanted. Maybe on the other side he had his pain and shame waiting." Since this doesn't seem to conform with Kelsey's traditional religious themes, she has probably had to try and deal with reconstructing her faith. Understanding how it all fits together anymore is less like a puzzle and more like trying to write a letter to your soul with inked fingers while under duress. Some will deal with this information better. Some worse. Much worse. "She kinda scares me, Toby. She likes us right now. What happens if she stops liking us? Will they kill us all? Drag us across their boundary? …Not that she would, but I'm nervous about it."

"All of us?" Toby repeats, "no, I think if they could get into orbit they would have by now, and I suspect we'd get a warning if we started pissing them off." Realising a moment or two too late that he's effectively just said only those on P would be slaughtered, and that Kelsey's kid is there he hurries on, hoping the drugs in her system will not let her brain reach that point before he's bombarding it with more information. "It doesn't really matter if she -could- kill us though, really. I mean, I could likely kill a reasonable number f I put my mind to it, anyone who's got access to the small arms lockers could take out many more. We all could do it, but we don't. Same with them, they could, but they don't. It's not something I can explain in any great detail, but it's against what they stand for, and if they believed in it for what, several thousand years? I doubt we're going to change their minds in a few weeks or months."

Luckily Kelsey is drugged. Or maybe Kelsey isn't thinking about her daughter first anymore. She just stares at nothing in the space between, listening to the words. "I suppose." That's all she says in the end. Lifting her eyes back to him finally, she tilts the barest hint of a smile there. "What else did she show you? I mean, it sounds like you've become quite the chum. Did she give you any other secrets? Tell you something new?" Deliver a new gospel?

"Oh trust me," Toby replies with a faintly amused grin, "that was plenty. I mean, not so much what she showed me itself, but the implications were.." he casts about for the best word before settling on, "overwhelming. That the dead were starting to find their rest. I don't know about you but I'd figured for along time that that wasn't going to happen in my lifetime, that for some it might never, but to know that the process is already starting?" He can't put it into words, he tries, but he just can't, other than to say, "I guess what she gave is hope. Hope that there might be some relief from the burden of avenging them, that that weight might some day actually be lifted rather than just slowly lessened."

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