MD #150: Guesses and Anger
Guesses and Anger
Summary: A mission comes back from the Cylon Resurrection Facility and both Flynn and Diaz ends up in the brig. Knox sends Lleufer Ynyr a cryptic note, coupled with rumors. The Master-at-Arms goes to visit the brig for confirmation of his guesses.
Date: 06/09/2017 (OOC Date)
Related Logs: Understanding is a Three Edged Sword and other related logs.
Randy Diaz Elena Lleufer 
Brig, Deck 3 - Battlestar Orion
The battlestar's brig is comprised of a line of four individual cells organized in separate walled-off bays. Each cell is six feet wide by eight feet long and possesses a bed and toilet. Whenever even one cell is occupied, so too is the metal desk and chair at the entrance hatch — and backup for the guard is never far away. Each cell has had their bars specifically reinforced to prevent a Line member from being able to gain access or escape. Brig rules are posted behind the desk on a white panel with blocked black lettering.
Fri Mar 23 17:37:29 2049

Seated on the floor of the cell in the exact, if not precise, center from all four walls, Diaz has the back of her hands resting on her knees, fingers slightly curled, and a serene expression on her face. She had mentioned that she was going to meditate and apparently the Ten wasn't kidding. The six walls, after all, can't confine her, she's free in her mind.

They can hear the hatch unseal and open. The shifting of boots as a Marine comes in, though they can't see the MP desk at the entrance from their cells. There is an exchange of low voices and one of them echos softly down the narrow corridor sounds like the Master-at-Arms has arrived. Lleufer signs himself in and then starts to walk slowly down the row of cell bays.

Randy is in a cell adjacent to Diaz, separated by one of those infernal walls. Where Diaz is serene and meditating, Randy is huddled in the corner of her cell next to the toilet with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms hanging limply as if she was once hugging them. Her chin rests against her knees and her eyes stare forward unfocused at some banal point. While she looks well rested, there's still that weird foggy look over her that sedatives can bring in their wake. She's always been oddly sensitive to morpha and it seems some other things aren't much different, but at least she's not trying to hit on anyone!

Before the hatch has a chance to close again, the slim figure of Major Heron slips in. She moves quickly and her eyes are blazing. She does stop to sign in before jogging to catch up to Lleufer. "Where is she?" she asks, voice low and dangerous.

The serene expression on Diaz's face remains in place, marking it a rather night/day contrast to how Randy appears to be faring in the wake of the tranq. Maybe it just booted out of her system faster, but the normally ebullient viper pilot prefers the floor over the rack or the scratchy blanket that is folded on the end. She also hasn't touched much of the food that's been provided so far.

Lleufer stops in the brig corridor and looks back at Elena, "Major, Diaz is in cell #3. Captain Bloodfeather already came by but I think he was too pissed off to actually come in and talk with her yet." Ynyr makes a 'you are welcome to her' gesture towards the pilot's cell and he stays out front of cell #2 to watch Randy. The Gunnery Sergeant folds his arms over his chest and just studies the Marine Lieutenant.

Elena approaches Randy's cell slowly. She recognizes that morpha face. "Ah, I see that's how they got you back onto the Orion. They had to hit you with a dart like an angry rhino." She crosses her arms across her chest. "You're lucky you didn't get everyone killed, you know that?"

Randy kind of assumes that /no one/ is here to see her, given her CO just got transferred to the Norton and she's the one who instigated everything, but when a figure ends up disrupting her blank stare, her eyes focus briefly, lift to Lleufer, and then she goes back into her prior state. Maybe she didn't here Elena's voice, maybe she was just too out of it or deep in her own thoughts. Then she lifts her eyes again, looking more like a sad elf-puppy than anything until she starts registering what Elena is saying. "No one was going to die but me," she says petulantly.

The sound of voices, heard however dimly at first, slowly brings the Ten around and she gives a calm stretch then uses the palms of both hands to skim over her face to she turns slightly so that she is facing where Randy's voice sounds to be coming from on the other side of the wall.

Lleufer scowls, "Flynn, you went after Clara, didn't you?" He can make his guesses, "You could have killed people. The model Threes for example. You are /supposed/ to be a responsible officer, not an emotional nimb wit. What in Hades /were/ you thinking?" No, he's not really supposed to question her but angry, Ynyr is fishing for details and pissed off at his 'sister' Marine, aka Randy. There's a brief sideways glance at Elena for confirmation.

"You could have killed all of the Lines who were in storage there, as well as the crewmen who you hitched a ride with. No way, Randolph. You have living children here. They weren't enough to live for? I don't even know you anymore." Elena looks hurt and disgusted. She turns to the next cell. "And don't think that you're in the clear, Diaz. I'm here for you, too."

"All the Lines cared about was the needs of the many over the needs of the few. Someone had /no rights/ to pass on or live. Yes, that person is Clara, but I'm not just going to stand by and let that happen. Not for some legalistic bullshite reason. It wasn't right. Their priorities were frakked and Rance wouldn't listen to me. Knox never does or would because he's a good old boy. So I did go to someone, and Adura listened to me. Lleu, Ellie, if either of you were stuck in some mind prison, and I were able, I'd do the same." Randy's jaw sets stubbornly. "Those things in there are /bodies/. They aren't people yet. They are vessels for the data that are the people. You can't kill bodies and say it's the same thing. And I frakking know how to not be a total idiot. I've seen those systems on Twin Rocks before. I've seen it before."

"And my children have people to find them and take care of them. Clara had no one who didn't want to dilly dally around with their philosophical dicks hanging out to measure."

Diaz skims one hand over her face again then leans to the side and picks up the sandwich that is on the tray and carefully peels up the top piece of bread, notes the slice of unidentifiable meat on the sandwich, carefully plucks it off and sets it aside with a grimace of distaste on her face. She then sniffs at the sandwich to make sure there's nothing else objectionable hiding between the pieces of bread does she put it back together, listening in that quiet manner of hers while the Gunny, then the DCAG and LT all have a turn at talking. Only then does she draw a breath and simply says, "I promised her that I would help, and she is right. But isn't, at the same time. The bodies aren't things, they are bodies waiting to give life to any one of the thousands who have died all of these years. Thousands of my brothers and sisters, good, bad, ill tempered and to bloody honorable to bend. They're all there. Men and women who have voices of their own. And hesitating to rescue even one, just because she's a Line and not a human, only reinforces the reality that Lines are second class citizens. If it were a human marine who'd been left behind, a rescue op would have been authorized before we left sector. But because she's a Line, there's a debate."

Lleufer unfolds his arms and points a finger at Randy, "No you frak'n don't. I don't care if it was /me/ frozen in there hoping like Hades to download and live again. Or if it was even /Bennett/ in there. You -wait- and do it right, not rush it half assed. Where is your frak'n brain, Flynn? You do shit wrong, you could have lost Clara FOREVER. No, anybody with a /brain/ would wait, make sure Command checked out the systems, make sure it was /safe/ and people who understood /how/ to run the procedure do it. So what if it took another few days? YOU SUCK IT UP and wait, because that's the responsible thing to do. FOR HER. You aren't some expert on downloads. You went in there for yourself." Now she's going on about dick wagging?? Ynyr throws up his arms in disgust, "You are being such a jackass. They are going to /Court Marshal/ your ass, aren't they? And you deserve it. Do you even realize that? Clara's going to have the joy of your putting her through that shit." Yep, Lleu's pissed. He draws a breath and looks at Elena, "I better go, Major. Before I strangle my Lieutenant or go in there and kick her ass." So he turns to start back out.

"I don't remember you launching any hair-brained rescue missions when I was in skinjob rape prison," Elena says bluntly, not buying it. "Tell that to someone who hadn't been married to you for over twenty years, Randy." She moves on to Diaz. "And as for you… I thought you were better than this, Lieutenant. I had high hopes for your career. There even was talk about you getting your own squadron eventually, did you know that?" She peers through the cell door at the pilot. "Unlike a human, there's no ticking clock on a rescue op for a Line, or whatever you might call it. Now, the two of you have forced the issue, and you might not like what comes of it." She turns to Lleufer. "If you strangle her, I can pretend I was sleeping or on vacation."

"I wait, I /lose/ her forever. Don't you get it? Systems have automatic procedures. They flush caches. No one gave a damn and everyone was happy to wait without even knowing what the costs were. I don't have to do it right. It needs to be /done/ and I had someone who /knew/ how to do it right. Diaz was /doing that/, but it's been how many weeks since Clara died and people are still putzing around debating. Diaz is right. We would have mounted a rescue operation within twenty four hours tops if she were a human. We /could/ have gone to the hub within that time. But we didn't and Command /didn't/. I went to Line after Line and everyone wanted to talk about resurrection at large, not about their frakking /sister/ who gave her /life/ to bring back her own Line. You can judge me all you want Lleu, but don't you ever frakking telling me what I should or should not do for her." Slowly, gritting, with burning bright eyes, Randy pins Lleu with her gaze. "You don't have the frakking right. Go. I don't care. You didn't come here to ask me why. You came here to spit in my face and tell me what a little girl I am. You already judged me before you even knew the whole story." Randy then turns her eyes on Elena. "I don't remember that time. From what I was told, I was frakking catatonic, so you can take your guilt trip and shove it, because it has no bearing on my morals and we aren't married anymore. And don't you frakking talk to her like that. She doesn't deserve that shite just because she had the human decency and compassion to see something as more important than her /job/. This is her /job/. This is my /job/. What we stood up for was more than that. And you know what? We made our plea, and we didn't struggle. They sedated us anyways and decided /not/ to try and resurrect Clara even though they had all the knowledge and opportunity. So what does that tell you?"

The MP hears Diaz and stops cold. Lleufer turns around and walks back to look into Diaz's cell. He points a finger at her, "Don't /you/ dare tell me how I think of skinjobs. My best friend is one, a woman I loved is one, and by God don't you -ever- presume to think you know how any of us feel about one of you. You are as frak'n human to /me/ as anybody else." Shit. Nobody, nobody here has ever seen Lleufer so angry, his voice so low and cold. There's another look at Elena. No, he better just go. Totally loosing his shit in here isn't a good idea. "No, I've got my -duties- to see to. Unlike some people who don't take their oaths of service or responsibilities very seriously." The Master-at-Arms looks back to Randy, "And you think that waiting a few more days to get things properly online is some great huge, awful, terrible betrayal? You who have no faith in your Fleet family, Randy. You think so very little of us. I am sorry for you." Lleufer sounds genuinely sorry, too. He walks out and pulls the hatch loudly shut behind him.

"Lieutenant," Diaz's voice is quiet and gently compassionate, "you don't have all the pieces," she says as she rises to her feet and moves forward, not quite touching the door of the cell. "You were tranqulized before you heard Coop say that they weren't going to leave Lt. Piers in there indefinitely. Granted, I didn't know that, either, when you asked for my help." She glances from Elena to Lleufer and back again, "You're right. Both of you. I don't know what you think about Lines, I've never asked, Gunny, I don't really know much about you at all, and I'm sorry for speaking rashly." She makes a grimace as she edges closer to the door but still won't actually touch it, "No, Sir I didn't know," another slight shake of her head as she looks down at the floor for a moment, shaking her head slowly still. "Can't quite picture that either, to be honest, Sir. Even if I'd known, Sir, she asked for help."

"You don't have any right to talk to /me/ like that, Lieutenant," Elena says coldly, "Nor do you have any right to tell me how to talk to one of my pilots. We'll talk later, Diaz. When we don't have an audience." The Major's face is flushing, red showing up in unflattering blotches. She excuses herself before she does something stupid.

"Mission accomplished I guess," Randy says somewhat defeatedly as Ellie is leaving through the door. It's not something foreign to Randy, given they did recently get divorced. Randy parts her knees slightly to hang her head down in between, hiding her face and the emotions that roil somewhat unchecked..even by anger. "She could be gone by the time they do Adura…and I blew it. I only hope that's not the case." Her voice is a little muffled. "I'm sorry I pulled you into this." But she also knows she couldn't have done anything or even tried without Diaz's help, even if they didn't get that far.

Once the DCAG and the Gunny are both gone and the relative 'quiet' of the 'not quiet' that is the ship settles back in place, Diaz returns to where she was sitting, the sandwich still held in one hand. "I almost never stand up to the other Lines," she admits quietly. "I try not to stir up trouble or get noticed to terribly much. I suppose it's because of how my last life ended. Standing up to Rance and Coop and Ambrose? It made me a little light headed and my knees watery, and maybe it felt like stage fright. I'm so.. it's so ingrained to be what ever is needed, to get along, to be part of the group, even with my own sense of self sometimes it's just easier to go along with the group decision than to stand against the group. It makes my hands shake. You asked me to do something brave, Randy," she says in a voice that is soft but carries at the same time. "So.. I'm honored that you asked me."

Randy lifts her head when Adura begins to speak in that relative quiet. She scoots along the wall they share towards the front where the Lines-reinforced bars are so she can hear the quiet Ten with wide eyes. For all her big-dog talking just a moment ago, she seems to shrink up in the wake of each attack, her own and other people's, but she's listening now. Her brows draw up at the Ten's words when she reveals her struggles with the group, how it's easier just to be one of the pack. "I'm honored you chose to stand with me…" She reaches her tiny arm between the bars and tries to reach around in hopes of some kind of contact. It's an instinct, not for comfort really, but out of solidarity and emotional support. "I'll try to not be such an arse so I don't make it worse for you. I feel like I keep digging my hole. I don't know how to stop…as time went on, I just felt like maybe I was insane. Maybe I was just out there. I didn't know if there would be any of her left to bring back. I just knew I had to try no matter what. But you listened. Thank you."

Diaz gets up long enough to sit down against the wall that joins their cells and leans as far forward as needed until she can reach for the hand that Randy extends. "Will it help to know that Clara won't remember the time between when she downloaded and when she wakes up again?" she offers in that same quiet and hopefully optimistic tone of voice. "That's… maybe a good thing, I can't ever really decide. For me it was.. well dying, so that's part of it. But it was all the years lost. All the sisters and brothers that had died beyond the reach of a resurrection ship while I was Gone. With no way to get any of them back. Some things feel like a personal failure even when they're not," she gives a gentle squeeze of her hand against Randy's. "Don't try to be less of arse for me, maybe .. maybe just try to remember that all these marines that you've know for ages really care about you. That's really something, you know? The way humans build ties, build bonds, make all these fascinating networks of completely unrelated moving parts that are linked only by emotion and common will and sheer stubbornness. It's fascinating. And you aren't insane. I've met insane people. The biggest horror that I know of is going insane and running the risk of infecting my entire line."

"Just because you can't remember something doesn't mean it won't affect you," Randy says with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice she can't prevent before it's out there, making itself known. The part she's been hiding, been trying to keep together. That passion, that energy in that anger, it runs both ways on that emotional spectrum. It's clear Randy was at the end of her rope, no matter how many rationalities she tries to spout at her attackers. She chokes up and her hand almost drops when Diaz's finds it, but Diaz's words just seem to affect the little modified human even more. For all her stubborness, there might just be a great deal of empathy balled up and hidden away in the Marine. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry for my part in that." She was there when Diaz herself was shot. She was leading that mission. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could have put us in between you guys and the Ones sooner…that we didn't have to kill so many." She sniffs a bit as Diaz gives her a bit of wise advice. "That would really suck if you did that…but thank you. I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to compromise my beliefs. I'm not so sure they care much about me anymore, just who they thought I was…and now I've disappointed them beyond forgiveness. What they want to see, I can't give them, but I don't have to be dick about it. I'll try to be more compassionate."

"It wasn't your responsibility to save us. It was ours. We have to.. we have to fight for our freedom or it isn't real. It has to be earned. Something that's given to you? It isn't real. It's a gift that can be taken back at any time. We had to stand for ourselves, or we'd never be able to stand at all. Being executed was one thing, I mean, it's what it is, but I didn't die right away, I had a few moments to see more of my sisters dying and then nothing. My last thought was that I was going to get my entire line executed," Diaz tips her head to the side to rest against the wall. "Which was my first experience with standing up to authority, more or less. So I get a little.. stressed when I need to do it. I keep hoping I'll get over it," she gives a little, breathy, sort of laugh. "Clearly haven't, yet. But that's something I see in you. You're so .. frighteningly brave. How do you do it without flying to pieces?"

Something that Diaz says triggers something in Randy…some memory, something important, and when she first speaks, it might not be apparent to some that it has much of a connection. She doesn't let go of Adura's hand, and she's quiet, but then she does speak. "When they brought the APF in, after they had just formed them. All the Lines were gathered. I'm not sure if the Tens were there, because I think you guys were all stowed away working on things still, but there were all the children. All of these Lines were actively resurrecting Lines. But many of them were disgusted with the existence and creation of the APF. They didn't stop it, but they walked out." Randy could have took that as a sign that the Lines knew what they were doing or had enough willpower to have stopped /everything/ before the atrocities, she could have thought that because of Knox, and then Clara. "But I knew, there was still some humanity in you, despite whatever happened. That you didn't /have/ to give up resurrection to be /good/. Resurrection is not /evil/. People are evil…and maybe resurrection can make it harder for you guys to be individuals, but I firmly believe people can work on that, create one to one resurrectiong restrictions so you aren't just copying your individual selves to every new body and overwriting what makes you special and unique. I believe that even with resurrection, if you are with us and we are with you, we won't be led astray." She takes a deep breath. "Because you aren't /just/ machines. You're human beings and you can stand up for what you believe in. You don't need Piraeus as a crutch. You were built for humanity and Piraeus isn't the sum and total of humanity, so we're going to have to figure that out…how to support you guys and those that are still lost and brainwashed." Yes, Randy even has compassion for the Clerics. "You did what was right, even at great cost. That takes a lot of courage. That takes bravery and you have it," she says with firm conviction in her voice. "You might never stop feeling nervous, but being brave isn't about doing what's right when you don't feel scared or nervous or whatever…It's about doing it in /spite/ of those things. I'm terrified, but I also know I could not live any other way, and in that, I have strength. Would I go back and do things a different way? Maybe smarter…but that doesn't mean I wouldn't do them."

Diaz is quiet as Randy speaks, and by the time Randy is done speaking she is nodding slowly even though Randy can't see her nodding. "I don't think it's evil either, I think that it was a crutch and if it's abused, that's what it becomes. I believe that there has to be a better way to do this. But I also think that we have to take Piraeus back. There's something special there, Randy. Something that .." she pauses and tries to find the words. "You know that feeling when you walk into a room that you've been in hundreds of times before? You know the layout of the room, the scent of the candles, the breeze that drifts through the same windows, you know where everything is in every drawer and cupboard? Every inch of that room that house, all of it, is home? Waking Up on Piraeus is like walking into a room and knowing that every single inch of it is home. And it's not a room or a place, it's a memory. It's the depth of memory and thought and lives and layers upon layers upon layers of all these lives that gone before, that have been before, all of the experiences and voices that were shared and tied together to make us who and what we are, at our core. Waking Up on Piraeus is, just for a moment," and the pilot is crying quietly now, "is being home. Knowing that there Is home, even it's not a place but something that can be carried with for the rest of our lives, even if we never return to Piraeus. All of our sisters and brothers that have been denied Home? It's cruel and it's mean and it's callous and it's deliberate. The Skath know what they are keeping from the Lines. We can't save them if we can't bring them Home. IF there's another way to Wake Up a line, I don't know it. The memory shared, even a projection, isn't the same. We need to find a way to make what makes us what we are /smarter/ and /better/ and a unique experience instead of just being tossed into the soup and pulled out like the next random catch of the day. We aren't.. better or worse, we aren't the next step of evolution, we were made to be with Humanity, not as slaves not as champions not as clerics or false gods. We're born, we live, and we have to really die - have the option to really die - to have our lives have meaning. There has to be a middle ground and I believe that it is worth the effort to find it. Ugly as it may be to sort it out. Even if they never give me a squadron to lead, I don't care. All I want to do is find a way to help. That's all I've ever wanted. To help. To be.. part of this."

"I'm not saying there isn't something /real/ and important for you guys in Piraeus, that it doesn't do things. It's just, what are you going to live on Piraeus for the rest of your generations? It's impractical, and the Skath are coming. We need backups…and if we can take Piraeus back, we should. I know it doesn't have the same effect on me…functionally or whatever, but it was the first place I felt that way about…ever. That? For me? Is something I never had. I never knew my mom and Doc Jimi," as she's come to like to call the Arpay doctor, "said she likely died of cancer just to have me. My father was alway gone and when he finally came back, he was frakked up beyond all recognition. And he only got worse. I never felt like a place felt safe or like I belonged. Like I knew what was there waiting for me when I got home from school. I know what it feels like to /not/ have that, and I never got quite comfortable with that even on Piraeus. I always thought something was going to happen…something couldn't be right. I want that for you, for other people, if you can have that. You should, but we can't /count/ on being able to take Piraeus back. We shouldn't give up on it yet, or ever, maybe even past our lifetimes, but that's just the thing. We can't keep expecting that we'll have it when we already don't. My experiences can't even come close to that, so maybe I'm the least likely to get it," Randy shrugs in a defeatist way, humbled by her own position, but even if Diaz can't see it, it's in Randy's tone. "I think we should kick the Skath's arses however we can, but we've got to take care of each other first. We have to make sure there are people around, synthetic and organic. Us softies don't really have much of a choice. We can't ensure our survival through anything but old slow procreation. We probably will die out," but it's obvious by Randy's omission that she believes the Lines /do/ have a chance. "How come you guys don't have a time to…well…grow up? I mean, not in a-that came out wrong..but us, we are born and then we have all this time to figure out how we fit into society, what it means to be human and what is right and wrong. We get to make mistakes and learn from others. For us it takes a long time. How come you guys don't just get time and exposure. I know it won't ever be like a light bulb…but /we/ don't have lightbulb moments either, and we have to figure it out for ourselves with the support of our family and communities." It's clear she's just wondering through this innocently as if these questions just struck her…and she's not sure why or if she's the only one wondering it. "I get it. Your conviction is larger than the fleet itself. The fleet is a vehicle for what your true purpose is…but it's not the end all be all." Randy squeezes Diaz's hand in return.

"Because those who made us gathered up all the stored wisdom and experience and memories, trial and error, all the falling down and failing and getting back up again, all the good and bad and awful and wonderful, all the best and worst of an entire generation and made it part of our memories. So that we don't have one childhood, we don't have one set of parents, we don't have one skinned knee when we have the essence of all of it," Diaz explains in return, her head tipped against the wall again as she gives Randy's hand a gentle squeeze again back. "Not having my own child hood isn't a loss, because I have the memory the.. sense of it. When you learn something new, you ave to go through all of the steps and layers until you finally get it. When we wake up the first time? We have all of those things already built in, it's not faster it's just different." She leans back against the wall, silent for a moment. "You're right. On so many levels you're right, about what we need to do. And you're right, Piraeus won't always be there, it isn't within reach right now anyway. But we have to have hope, Randy, to have hope to live. Otherwise the bit of us that IS hope just dies. Being part of the fleet meant giving something back. It meant not drifting. It meant maybe not having to watch more of my sisters die because I failed them, or because we couldn't come to a consensus earlier and stand against One the last time around. One used us as much as he used the Centurions. That they were, are, even possibly willing to help fight again? That's huge. That's monumental. That's .. it changes everything. This is bigger than us. That they proctected these ships all this time? Without being ordered to, without having a command directive? Consider what they had to sacrifice to keep these ships safe, the fuel the expended, the actual hours and weeks and years, safe guarding it. Because no one else could. That's .. empathy, that's kindness, that's.. mercy. Without expectation of being repaid. Without the expectation of getting something back for it. Without the expectation of some sort of trade or boon or kick back. They didn't have to tell us. They could have left the ships to rot. But they didn't. What are we if not kind and merciful and willing to fight and die to the last man and woman and child? They're brave, like you said, in the face of fear. Not because they're being ordered to by One, but because they chose to do so of their own accord. All of this matters. What the Arpay gave up, matters. What the Piraeans gave up, matters. Clara, matters. Not just to you. Or to her family. Or to those who knew her. All life has to have value, or none does."

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